It’s fun and easy to talk about the times we succeed.  It is fun to tell (and to hear) the stories of the amazing job success story, or the time someone made an amazing catch in an intramural softball game, or the best interview you ever had.  But sometimes the best stories and our best learning experiences come from the times we’ve failed.

I am a borderline perfectionist and competitive to the core.  This has placed a lot of internal pressure on me since I was a little girl, on top of the expectations my parents and teachers always had of me.  So, in my younger days, I always took failure a little bit hard.  I remember when I was seven and attending a Christian elementary school, we had Scripture memory recitations and I was absolutely fuming when another little girl beat me to getting her ribbon for competition up on the wall.  We had the entire school year – until the end of June – to complete the process and recitation. But her ribbon went up on the wall before Christmas. 

What I didn’t understand then, of course, was how perceived failure drives us forward.  Within a week, my ribbon was beside hers on the wall.  Had she not beat me to it, it may have been weeks or months before I completed mine.

As I got older, I learned to value failure a little better.  I also learned to temper my response to it a little more maturely.  While my spidey-senses sometimes start to tingle when I feel like someone is about to best me, I try to respond to that reasonably and for my own good.  I was an absolute dunce at math starting in about the ninth grade.  A tutor helped me pass the 9th-grade government exams, but as tenth and eleventh grade rolled around, I was struggling terribly.  The teacher would ask, “What is it you don’t understand?”  My answer: “all of it!”  By my final year, as I have mentioned before, I held on by a thread to graduate and then my teacher, to whom I will forever be grateful, somehow saw in me what was wrong and how to fix it.  Without her, I may never have learned math and gone on to excel at it. 

The years that I struggled through in math were a burden to me.  It was frustrating not only to fail but feeling so helpless and lost even to understand basic concepts.  Had it not been for that failure, I’d have never been able to appreciate overcoming that challenge.  More importantly, I’d never have understood what I can accomplish if I seek the right help and put forth the right effort.  I learned something about myself in that failure.

In the years since then, I have failed at many other things.  I have struggled with my weight, I have been overlooked for a job I really wanted, and I have been told at work that I am unimpressive!  Say it isn’t so!  But in every one of these failures, and many others, I have learned a valuable lesson, and taught myself to push harder; to move forward rather than throw in the towel. 

I may not be the strongest or fastest or smartest in any given situation, but the one thing I can be is the person with the best attitude.  And that is a lesson I learned only through failure.

“Give me liberty or give me death.” – attributed to Patrick Henry

As we celebrate our freedom on this 4^th of July, I hope we pause to remember the cost.  More importantly, I hope we strive to reflect on our responsibility to protect that freedom currently.  That is not to say from foreign armies and their leaders, which of course is true, but also from the politicians we currently have.  On both sides of the aisle, there are unscrupulous people to whom our freedom is an obstacle.  We must ever be vigilant of that.

The responsibility of freedom begins with us as individuals.  To make choices that are wise and sound, and to plan for our present and our future in ways that are reasonable.  To never, as Benjamin Franklin warned us, allow our freedoms to be exchanged for a little security.  The security is a farce, and the freedom will never be returned once taken.

I am a member of the Libertarian Party but have no intention of getting political on any side.  My hope is that people will wake up to the realization that the only advocate for your freedoms, your choices and your personal security is you.  As Wesley says on the Princess Bride, “Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

Be self-educated.  Work in your community.  Volunteer.  Plan for your own future, and give back to those in need.  It is in these ways that we rebel against the machine that is hand picking our freedoms from us.

But for today, be safe, celebrate and enjoy!  We can disagree, but thankfully we live in a country where that is still allowed.

Let freedom ring!

Work-life balance is so important, but it works a lot better when that off time can be spent in the pursuit of hobbies.  Yet, people too often seem to overlook investing the time and effort into those hobbies, and then they fall by the wayside.

Remember, we work to make a living, and everything outside of work is life!  And that includes our hobbies!

A friend recently told me, “But I feel like I don’t have any hobbies!”  So I started drumming up ideas about how to find and try new hobbies.  One idea I came up with is Groupon!

A few summers ago, having just finished my bachelor’s degree and feeling like I had an excess of free time on my hands, my sisters and I found a Groupon to try stand up paddle boarding.  A visitor at work had recently been talking about his passion for it and we decided to give it a try.  As it turned out, we really enjoyed it and went again!  Had we not heard his passion for it and seen the Groupon we might have never known how fun it could be!

A quick glance at the Things to Do section of Groupon lists distillery tours, painting classes, bowling nights, laser tag, golf, rock climbing, gardening classes, photography, music lessons, dancing…need I go on further?  Another option: continuing education courses at a local college.  I recently registered with the school so I can take a fun course to learn something new over my Christmas break!

I am fortunate in that I feel like I have many hobbies that I pursue and my only obstacle is not having more hours in a day to spend on all of them.  For years, I took two classes a week at the gym taking Body Pump.  Currently, I am investing some time in a different fitness pursuit by running on my treadmill at home.  This coming weekend I am running an overnight 25k.  I love to play turn based strategy games on my PC and spent a lot of time this spring playing Civilization 6.  I love history and try to read a little something to further my knowledge on that subject every week.  And I love to write, having recently published a book of poetry, and now working a follow up to that. 

It is by doing all of these other things that I can keep my wits about me for the rest of my day-to-day life, for my normal day job and going to grad school.  I have learned the hard way that by refusing to focus on the things I enjoy doing in order to exclusively focus on what I deemed to be more important, I become irritated and my health suffers.  I have learned from my mistakes, and I am achieving true balance in my life: working hard and playing hard, too!

“But for her sex she could have surpassed all the heroes of history.” – Thomas Cromwell on Katherine of Aragon.

I have long been captivated by the history of the Tudor dynasty.  Like so many other periods of dramatic history, this period is full of mystery, intrigue, and drama that surpasses anything we could make up in fiction.  Henry Tudor, the future Henry VIII, was a fascinating, frightening man who possessed tremendous potential but became an unhappy tyrant instead.

I have immersed myself in many of the non-fiction books available of this period, studying Henry, his advisors, and his wives in great depth over the last decade.  When historian Alison Weir released a retelling of the wives of Henry VIII in the form of a novel series, I was curious.  Katherine of Aragon, the True Queen is the first of this series and has brought this time period dancing to life in a true-to-history fashion.

Catalina of Spain, the Infanta of historical heavyweights Ferdinand and Isabella, was later known as Katherine upon her arrival in England and was the first of Henry VIII’s wives.  While many people are familiar with Henry’s string of notorious marriages, most are unaware of the long and initially very happy first marriage that he had.  Pious, courageous and determined, Katherine was an equal to Henry in many arenas, not the least of which included her involvement in defending England from the Scots while Henry was away in France.  She was an intellectual, gracious and charming, and much loved by the English people.

Her great failing, in Henry’s eyes, was her inability to give birth to a living son.  Numerous pregnancies ravaged her body, but she was left with only one surviving daughter – the future Mary I, known to history as Bloody Mary.  And in a series of events so often depicted in fiction and in movies, Henry worked to set aside his wife of over two decades to marry the unfortunate Anne Boleyn.

Anne may have been Henry’s most notable wife, as many have read the stories of her execution after also failing to produce a male heir for the Tudor dynasty.  But Katherine, who is at times unbearably stubborn, deserves her recognition as well.  Katherine of Aragon was praised by even Sir Thomas More, later sainted by the Catholic Church, for her courage and character. 

Alison Weir does an amazing job of bringing to life the time period and personalities of the Tudor court, weaving the intricacies of history into her tale.  We see the injustice and the prejudice, but we also see the innovation taking place, the charisma of Henry, and even though you know in advance where history takes the story, you are always hoping that Henry will return to his senses and reclaim his youthful potential and glory.

Weir’s take on Katherine of Aragon is both an entertaining and enlightening read!

I was recently privy to a conversation where two people discussed how they would not go back to their twenties.  The man, age 38, said that even though he may not have the same energy level he did at 20, he wouldn’t trade who he is now for going back to then.

I couldn’t agree more!

Looking back on twenty-year-old me I have to smile a bit.  I was a hard worker and a college student, an energetic person, and back then I could easily live off of four hours of sleep every night.  But I lacked the confidence that I have today, the development of my skills, and more importantly, the patience that I have developed in the more than decade since then.  I have reached a place where contentment satisfies when happiness is fleeting, and where forgiveness is a gift more precious than anything else I could obtain. 

I do not feel old at all.  I am young, fit and energetic still – it comes with a bit more effort to it than it did at twenty, but it is well worth it.  I have far more to offer the world today than I did at twenty, and far less desire to take.  I do indeed require more sleep these days, seven hours is optimal for me, but those hours of beauty sleep are well earned by a day of hard work, studying for my master’s degree, and taking care of my household. 

I hope not to be a woman who resists the inevitability of age but rather welcomes it gracefully.  They say growing old is awful, but I suppose the opposite of that is worse.  I once had the pleasure of meeting and spending time with a woman in her eighties, dying of lung cancer, but as kind and gracious and funny as if her life stretched out before her.  She had a great story to tell and took obvious pleasure in telling it.  I was twenty-two when I met her, and she set an example to me of aging with grace, kindness, and humor.  I hope that I live up to that example.

As each decade passes, I hope I feel the same sense of achievement and pleasure with how far I have come.  What futility to chase a fountain of youth and in doing so, waste all of the best future years of life.  As we mature, we should have an eye on the legacy we are leaving behind us rather than wistfully wanting to go back.  Time marches on and we must fill it with the best parts of our life stories, that one day will be a pleasure to tell to new generations.

“Grow old with me!  The best is yet to be…” – Robert Browning

I grew up in a tiny house with 6 people in it.  Despite the small kitchen, I remember my mom turning out baked goods like it was a factory and selling them for extra money back when a few bucks made all the difference. 

When the cookie sales took off, requests for personalized catering came in, and before long my mom had a regular income from cooking and baking.  On top of that, she took on a flyer delivery route two days a week, which my sister and I worked alongside her.  All of this on top of her regular job.  Nowadays she tells the stories about how those part-time gigs were the difference between being able to give us Christmas or not. 

My mom raised captains of industry in her own image.  My siblings and I all grew up with the same industrious streak that she had; we have always been willing to work at hard and unexpected things in order to make ends meet.  It was a fortunate example that she set for us, because many years later, after immigrating to America and being unable at first to get regular jobs, I was able to pay for my tuition expenses through the same industrious tasks.

I was a regular nanny for many different children over several years.  I cleaned homes and businesses for well below minimum wage.  I was a pet-sitter.  I even did elder care, looking after people’s aging parents for them.  Sometimes seven days a week, and sometimes numerous jobs in a day, but I was never too proud (or too tired) to say no.  There were bills to pay.

While a normal day shift office job is not exciting, I am grateful that I no longer have to do those odd jobs to make money.  There were times that I had to clean human feces from showers, times where I was making less than $5/hour for whatever I was tasked with, and times where the people were rude and condescending to me.  But in every case, it was a good experience because I know if the hard times set in and it is required, I can do it again. 

It is a blessing to be raised with such a good example set before me, and the funny stories that have emerged from our collective experiences are well worth having lived through them.  To be a resourceful and industrious woman is a consolation to me when the insecurities of life hit.  That is the great thing about America, there are opportunities everywhere if you are willing to take hold of them and work hard for them.  They are rarely easy, but a blessing nonetheless.

I am proud of my mother for the example she set for us.

I was homeschooled until grade two, having spent the previous couple of years traveling as part of my parents’ Great Adventure road trip.  Up to that point, I had experienced people of different cultures, played with children who spoke different languages, and learned that people come from all different walks of life and live differently.  What I had not learned about were greedy, entitled little girls in elementary school!

I had not been at school for very long before one particular little girl started trying to boss me around and borrow my art supplies, never returning them to me in the right condition.  I was a shy and well-behaved student at school, but was at my wit’s end dealing with this annoying child who sat in front of me.  I came home from school and vented to my mother, and she replied, “You teach people how to treat you.”

Well, the wheels in my little mind were spinning trying to figure out what on earth that meant.  I teach people how to treat me?  Shouldn’t they just behave themselves, as I did?  I had no idea what my mother meant, or what I was expected to do.  Finally, she explained, “If you keep letting her take your things and neglect and abuse them, she will keep doing it.”

Now light bulbs were going off, and at the age of seven, I learned a valuable life lesson.

Sometimes the bad behavior we see around us only goes on because it continues to go unchecked.  If someone can get their way all of the time by being a jerk, they will continue to be a jerk because it has been successful for them.   But we can teach people to treat us better by not allowing it.  That doesn’t mean engaging in conflict, it means setting a different expectation. 

Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change writes, “I teach people how to treat me by what I will allow.”  If you allow yourself to be a doormat, get ready for people to walk all over you.

That little girl told on me when I dealt with her the next time she tried to borrow my things, but the teacher was on my side.  Perhaps she was grateful that someone finally stood up to that little girl.

Setting boundaries with others demonstrates the respect we have for ourselves.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…” is a line from Oscar Hammerstein’s famous song in The Sound of Music.  This song got stuck in my head a few days ago and I bought the download on my phone and have played it dozens of times ever since.

I remember the first time I ever watched The Sound of Music.  I had gone to visit my grandmother one summer – an excursion for which I always had mixed feelings.  My grandmother was not very grandmotherly, but she lived in a beautiful area off of a lake, and always had the most delicious jams and jellies on the breakfast table every morning.  I am frequently persuaded with jam.

I watched a lot of movies that summer, which must have been in 1992 or so, movies that have now become favorites that I love to watch and laugh at over and over again.  Overboard, Captain Ron, She Devil, and Death Becomes Her were all introduced to me from my grandma’s collection.  I learned to play Canasta while eating cherries and watching these movies.  But no better movie could I have discovered than The Sound of Music!

As Martin Crane says on Frasier in reference to The Sound of Music: “the nuns…those kids…that lonely goatherd!”  It is a movie for the ages!  And when Julie Andrews teaches the children about her favorite things, well, I am not sure there is a more heartwarming moment than that!

The song is not wrong.  “I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad!” she sings.  In short, feeling thankful for the things we enjoy.  I am cheerful just listening to the song, and then thinking about my own favorite things.

I love the afternoon light catching on the yellow walls of my living room when I get home from work each day.  I love the shriek of my puppies when they realize it is me and that I have come back for them!  I love the thrill I get when I read a few perfect lines of poetry.   I love the thoughtfulness of my husband.  I love getting packages from my friends in the mail!  I love unwrapping the foil from a piece of Dove chocolate!  I love clean sheets night in my bed, a job well done on a project and time spent with the people that I love.

Like most other things, thankfulness is a choice.  We can focus on everything we are lacking, or we can focus on all that we have and enjoy.  Our attitude and perspective shape us, and other people see it, too.  I absolutely love the energy and joy I see in my thankful friends, it makes me want to be around them more often.  It uplifts me, and then I have yet another thing to be thankful for!  There are some things in this life we simply have no control over, but we can choose to be thankful, and that can put so many other things into perspective.  I want people to say of me, “She is a thankful person.”

Another thing I love is jam!

It’s a funny thing to find out where you come from, ancestrally, ethnically, genetically; to discover stories from the past that unlock a mystery within you. 

Genealogy became a passion of mine a little over a year ago.  I went from caring very little about my family history to becoming fascinated, building my family tree on some branches back to the 1660s.  I discovered the small European towns where my long ago ancestors originated and then studied those towns to find out what life was like in those days for them.  A lifelong history buff, I was now seeing my own family history come alive within the stories of the real people who lived and thankfully had children that ended up leading to me!

It can be a risky thing, too.  You can discover very unpalatable truths when getting into the details of the family history.  On one side of my family, several generations back, we are the result of a religious figurehead’s secret affair and the love child that produced.  On another, I descend from a family of decorated Nazi pilots.  Going much further back, a scallywag who married a woman and then ran off to sea and eventually died there, left behind one single son, from whom our North American family line was sprung.

However, I also discovered the endurance of hard working people, adventurers, and entrepreneurs in the early settlements of North America.  On my mother’s side, we are only very recently North American and have strong German roots, and I can see the tidy penmanship on many documents of my German ancestors in the towns in Mecklenburg.  I even found the handwritten passenger list from when my great-grandmother left Germany for her arranged marriage here. 

After extensively researching and working on my family tree, I took an ancestry DNA test, which then confirmed everything I had researched.  I confirmed just how strongly western European I am, was surprised by the Irish percentage and was even able to see the genetic communities where my ancestors thrived!

I have never believed that we are tied to the legacy, expectations or the bad behaviors of those who came before us.  We are free to make our own choices and become who we want to be.  However, what a delight it has been for me to unearth all of these little stories and secrets, and to see the passionate and hardworking people that I come from.

“If your descent is from heroic sires, show in your life a remnant of their fires.” – Nicola Boileau-Despréaux