Choosing Our Best Attitudes

I have Charles Swindoll’s “Attitude” hanging at my desk at work.  It hangs above my certifications because it is more important than any degree or certification could be.  I am not even sure where I got it from; it has just always hung in my cubicle.
People with a bad attitude tend to look at everything through a self-defeatist lens.  They just know they are going to fail, or be criticized or be unhappy, so no matter what happens, that is what happens. 
We all have bad days, and we all have people that dislike us and we all suffer some type of pain, disappointment or loss.  But it is how we respond to these things that make a difference.  I am sure we can all think of someone we know who, no matter when times of adversity hit, they react to it with a positive attitude.
They always say that athletes or public speakers or anyone about to give a performance practice visualizing themselves succeeding at whatever it is that they are attempting to do.  This is used because it boosts attitude to a level where success in that area becomes more attainable. 
Positive thinking and self-coaching do similar things.  They program your head to think about things positively, which in turn boosts attitude, which in turn can help produce better outcomes. 
I can remember a time in my early twenties when I was just in a rut.  Mentally and emotionally and even physically, I was beaten down and fatigued and even sick and tired of myself.  It was true, I was working hard to make money for school and then putting in long hours at school working on my studies, but I realized that other people around me were doing the exact same thing, only they were more cheerful.  I realized I was in a rut, but it was mostly of my own making.  Sometimes it’s hard to admit that it is our own fault.  But I plucked myself up, and I noticed that once I started looking at life more optimistically (and not sulking and whining to myself) that I felt more productive and things just seemed easier.
I have always believed, as Swindoll says, that we cannot change events, only our reactions to them.  We cannot change how people perceive us, or the fact that bad things are going to happen.  But the way we choose to react to them changes everything for us. 

The best part about that is that while we cannot control anything else, we can control our attitudes.  And if that makes a difference, then I am glad it is within our reach to do it!

The Eclipse

Today millions of Americans will witness a total eclipse if they live in the right areas, and the rest of us will witness a partial eclipse.  This is a historic occasion, as it has been a very long time since a total eclipse occurred over North America.

As a current events junkie and a partaker in all fun and historical events, I am looking forward to participating in this.  Not only the eclipse itself but also in witnessing the reactions of other people to it.  Nothing amuses me more than observing other people when they are unguarded.

But while this event will no doubt be a spectacular reminder of the workings of the universe, these events are not the things that people will talk about over dinner on Sunday night.  There was an eclipse when I was in elementary school, and I cannot remember if I have ever discussed that over family dinner.

The things I discuss are less cosmic but more personal.  Sunday dinners often consist of the funny stories that occurred at my wedding or the weddings of my siblings, recalling the best and worst days we ever had at work, memories of the funniest moments where we laughed until we cried and on and on.

Everyday memorable and miraculous events occur that are never covered by the news or trending on social media.  These are the moments that truly make a difference.  I will live through an eclipse today, but for millions of people, that won\’t be the story they tell around the dinner table after work.  They will talk about the family member who had a baby today, someone who got promoted or fired, the toddler who said her first word, or the little random act of kindness someone did for them today.

As a lover of conspiracy theories, history, and news, I look forward to seeing all of the pictures and hearing the stories about today.  But don\’t let today eclipse the real stories in your life – those are what is truly important!

Overcoming Disappointment

I was recently faced with a couple disappointments and rejections.  In the face of something I wanted very much, I was told no (twice!).  And yet in the same moment, I also felt incredibly encouraged!
Sometimes, we take a step forward only to have to step back because it’s not our time.  I believe that is when we grow.  In one case, it was a career move I had hoped to make and was given tremendously positive feedback, but it was not my time.  In the other, a side gig freelance job that I was pursuing hit a dead end – again, not my time.  Yet, this is my time to exercise my best character, my patience, and my perseverance. 
I have found in my life that in times of disappointment I uncover these little morsels of hope, in myself, in my family, and in my friends.  Rather than feeling knocked down, I feel motivated and inspired, ready to carry on and wait for my right moment.  Rather than feeling rejected, I feel like there is a purpose for me yet, and that my patience will absolutely pay off in the end.
I am a cheerful person by nature, and at times, I think people suppose it is because I tend to get the things that I want.  I think they do not understand that true joy comes from within and is not dictated by personal circumstances.  From discovering my infertility to struggling to find my niche in the world, I have had to overcome adversity as well.  I do not always succeed, I do not always win.  But I do not let these little setbacks take me off course.
Life is a grand and wide open vista, and a bump in the path shouldn’t set us off course, but rather teach us to regulate ourselves, master our emotions, and learn how to be steady in disruptive circumstances. 
I am who I am because of the times that I have struggled, failed and had to start over.  I am stronger, more patient and more hopeful because of it, and today I feel that hope very keenly.  Overcoming disappointment will only lead me to an even better place, to be ready when my time does come.
In the meantime, I am so grateful for the chances I have been given, for the people I have met and connected with, for the experience to try.  So many people get stuck at being scared to try.  I am happy to say that I am not scared to try, and I am not scared to fail.  I am happy to experience all of the fullness of life and let those circumstances develop me into an even stronger, more reliable, more hopeful person down the road.

My sisters reminded me of the possibly apocryphal story of Charlie Chaplin failing a \”Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.\”  And the time Dolly Parton came in second in a Dolly Parton lookalike contest – apparently to a man who came in first!  So, the moral of the story is, we laugh, we learn and we move on; life is too short to do otherwise!

Lincoln: A Review

I think the best part of studying history is the details. Sometimes we look at historical figures and we see only their monument or portrait and we visualize their greatest or most notorious achievements. We forget that these were people with personal lives, goals, insecurities, and fears, people who lived and died like anyone else and had no idea how the future would view them. You think about people like Henry VIII but you don\’t always think about his paranoia, or Elizabeth I and her incredible indecisiveness, or the personal frivolity of Thomas Jefferson.
I have recently finished listening to the audio book of Lincoln by David Herbert Donald, which is a look at the man behind the monuments. Abraham Lincoln\’s name immediately conjures up an image of a grandfatherly man in his enormous splendor presiding over the National Mall in Washington, DC. You think about his life and it is highlighted by stories of civil war, slavery, and an assassination.
Donald takes us far beyond all of that back into Lincoln\’s childhood. He uses primary sources to not just speculate but to use the text of the day to describe Lincoln\’s thoughts and feelings in his own words. Through this, we follow a young Lincoln in humble beginnings, through early adulthood and his fledgling career, and into his deeply strained marriage and the death of his sons. We see how he perceived his place in politics, his evolving views on law and religion, and his underlying belief that a greater power was at work in the world doing things beyond our control.
The author looks at Lincoln objectively. Clearly, he admires this man who stood firmly in the face of horrific chaos and personal trials, but he also sees him as the flawed, insecure, uncertain person that he could be as well. It is easy to make judgments about people\’s decision after the fact, but it is a different thing to read about their struggle in their own words.
Some people will not like the stark truth of Lincoln\’s own words in this book, and some may not like his motives. But there is a great story told in his life full of ambition and failure, love and longing, earthly triumphs and unimaginable disasters.
We all know how the story ends, but it\’s the details that make this story worth hearing or reading.

The audio book is 30 hours long and the narrator has a pleasant voice. There are several weird gaps where in editing they have a different speaker taking over reading small parts. It is as if another reader went into dub over certain parts. At first, it caught me off guard, but it happened only rarely and for short periods, and the transitions were smooth enough. Otherwise, the audio book was very enjoyable to listen to and I definitely recommend it.

My Educational Journey

My educational journey has been an interesting one, but not because anything about my family was especially unique in that way.  My parents were not teachers, they were not rich; they were just two people invested in the future of their children.  In my grade school years, 5 were homeschooled, 4 were in private school and 3 were in public school.  I feel like maybe these different journeys led me to who I am today – a curious and perpetual learner!
As I have mentioned before, in my young childhood my parents embarked on a Great Adventure, where we traveled via motor home across western North America for 18 months.  We left when I was 4 and I returned back home just before I turned 6.  During this period of time, other kids my age were in Kindergarten, learning how to…do whatever it is kids do in kindergarten.  I have no idea what that might be.  I was learning to read while the scenery of the many beautiful landscapes passed by our window.  I was learning that not everyone lives the same way, not everyone aspires to the same type of success, and that not everyone conforms to the same sense of normal, as we encountered all kinds of different people.  I was on the beach in Mexico, playing with the children who only spoke Spanish, learning that we can be different and still play together.  An unconventional education, but infinitely valuable to me.
Upon returning to my hometown, I began homeschooling grade one with my parents.  People who have never really been involved in homeschooling always have weird ideas about what that must entail.  My parents, at least, had a broad approach.  I learned to read and write and do basic math, but I also learned life skills, how to socialize with both children and adults and do basic household tasks, etc.
In grade two, I entered a private Christian school.  My parents, unwilling to enter me into public school but also unable to afford private school tuition, offset the costs of tuition by having my mom volunteer as a chaperone, field trip driver, and teacher’s aide.  Looking back, my mom was always at school, teaching the left handed kids how to tie shoes, and reading to people or correcting our homework.  It never occurred to me that I was in an entirely different economic bracket from my classmates.  They all had prettier clothes and more toys and big houses, but I just assumed that was something my parents weren’t interested in for themselves.  It also never occurred to me that it was odd that my mom was basically working part time at the school – my parents always were involved in things!
At the end of grade five, I asked to go back to homeschooling again.  I wanted to work at my own pace, I disliked being unable to move ahead because others weren’t ready, and I wanted to be able to study more in-depth on certain topics.  Home schooling has the same government requirements for completion as regular schools, standard tests are taken, and so on, however, I could meet all of the requirements and go on to study in greater detail the topics I had a passion for.  By the end of ninth grade, on our government exams, I was performing in all categories well above my grade level – sometimes at the 12th-grade level.
I entered public school at the start of 10th grade, eager for more hands on learning in math and science labs.  I ended up starting 10th grade in a school that was shutting down at the end of the year, so I had the privilege of trying out two public high schools!  Fortunately, due to this, I met the two girls that I am still friends with to this day.  Aside from them, I did not enjoy high school at all but had it not been for the math teacher I had in my senior year, I might never have overcome those struggles in math and I am grateful. 
When I was twelve years old, my parents sat me down and explained to me that due to the large size of our family, they would not be able to pay for college tuition and that I needed to move forward either working toward scholarships or with a plan.  I began working when I was 15 and worked all through school.  I am appreciative of the academic experiences I had in my youth.  I reached adulthood with a different perspective on what success means, with a passion for learning, and with flexibility for change.  I embrace change, diversity and challenge, and with a totally open mind to different educational options should I ever raise a child myself!

Why I Am a Libertarian

I honestly cannot remember a time when I wasn’t interested in politics.  Even before I was a teenager, I was a current events junkie and was distinctly interested in politics.  I was raised in a home where political opinions were not only expressed, but my parents were both very politically active and astute.
My mom and dad were both registered members of a political party and my mom got involved in a very grassroots way.  She attended speeches and meetings, was there for the voting of leadership and so on.  So it is no real surprise that I have ended up doing the same!
I was not always a libertarian but started realizing I leaned more in that direction five or six years ago.  People balk at being part of unlikely or widely unknown political campaigns, often choosing the “lesser of two evils” or believing that nothing can ever change.
I refuse to be that negative.
Austin Powers says freedom with responsibility is groovy, and I agree!  Freedom is a huge thing.  It is a powerful, empowering idea.  It also involves risk and responsibility. 
The Libertarian Party espouses the best ideals of freedom and individual responsibility.  We believe in fiscal responsibility and all-encompassing civil liberties for all people.  We believe in peace and prosperity with other nations.  We believe that you are the person best capable to make decisions regarding your own life. 
People argue that being a part of a third party that is so small is a waste of energy and makes no change.  I disagree.  Furthermore, no great change was ever easy.
I am a member of the Libertarian Party, both nationally and at the state level.  During the 2016 election campaign, my sister and I hand delivered 6000 door hangers in our local area advertising the “other” option.  I am tremendously proud of having been a part of that historic campaign.
I have heard every argument against libertarianism.  But not one of those people felt as positively about their own choices as I do about mine.  Their arguments were tempered with negativity and scorn, whereas mine were full of hope and positivity.  I have friends and family who think I am absurd, but I am okay with that.    There is nothing wrong with an underdog, and also nothing wrong with a loyal, opposing voice – one that wants the best for this country and for everyone, even if we disagree on the methods.
Some people aren’t ready for freedom.  Until then, we will keep spreading our ideas!

A few years ago, I worked with a friend of mine who does graphic design and shirt printing to make tank tops that say “Libertarians Do It Better!”   I get a lot of compliments on it when I wear mine, a sign of hope that other like minded folks value freedom, too!

The first woman to ever recieve an electoral college vote in a presidential election was awarded to Tonie Nathan, a Libertarian candidate back in 1972.  She was also the first Jew.  The Libertarian party has a history of ground breaking inclusion, and this is just one example!

Living with PCOS and Hypothyroidism

Back in 2009, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and in 2010 I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).  Both were sort of a shock to me, even though I was highly symptomatic of both conditions.  In fact, it was only during an annual wellness screening through my work that my high TSH levels prompted me to see my physician, and then it was confirmed I did indeed have an underactive thyroid.
I had a lot of fairly typical hypothyroid symptoms, such as being inclined to weight gain, my hair was falling out and my nails were peeling off and I was cold all of the time.  Even in the heat of summer, I wore a sweater.  None of this was probably helped by the fact that I had a secondary issue going on with PCOS, which included many of the common symptoms as well.
I looked at the diagnosis of these things as an answer, and as an opportunity.  I had been a housewife for a two year period when my husband and I had to relocate and during that time, I was incredibly active.  I easily got two hours of cardio exercise a day, and we always ate at home because we were on a tight budget.  Despite this, I was struggling to keep weight off and I was glad to finally have an answer to that perplexing riddle.
I was also fortunate to have the most wonderful endocrinologist to work with to help resolve and manage these issues.  I understood that both of these conditions would have lifelong effects on me, but she was so empowering.  These conditions did not become my excuses for me to give up.  Maybe I would have to work twice as hard to be healthy, but I was not going to allow them to be the reason I just quit trying.
While I have had setbacks in my health – as I have previously discussed, in 2016 I gained a substantial amount of weight and then got back on track and lost it all and then some – I have never used my conditions as the justification.  I am absolutely certain that a lot of my weight gain was caused by eating too much ice cream!
If there is one thing I could do it would be to empower those with either one of these conditions to not give up.  Everyone experiences these things in varying degrees, and the medications I take work very well for me.  If anything, because of these things and the conditions they can ultimately lead to – such as diabetes – I am more determined than ever to take care of myself.
It’s not just me, either.  I know several people with one or both of these conditions and they have found great medications that work for them to help them battle the symptoms.  One of my sisters has PCOS and the other has hypothyroidism, and both are of a healthy weight and fairly committed to preventative health measures.
It may be hard when the battle is all uphill, but it is doubly worth it then!  Whether our motivation is to be there for our families and children, or to be able to be around for our grandchildren, or to travel the world, write a best seller someday, make a difference on this planet, whatever it is, it is worth it to wake up every day and recommit to the idea of taking care of this one body we have.

Investing in your own health and wellness is one of the best and most selfless things you can do in the eyes of the people who love you.  We should all feel empowered to be proactive about it!

The Anniversary of the Day I Changed My Life

Today is one year since I made an active decision to change my life.
On August 12, 2016, I went to the doctor for a short visit to get prescriptions renewed and when I stepped on the scale I almost had a heart attack!
I have never been skinny, but I also didn’t consider myself fat.  I am active and my physical exams and lab tests all indicate I am in good health.  I never really worried about it.  I had felt like maybe my pants were getting a bit snug, but I had also just started grad school and felt like maybe I had put on a stress pound or two….or twenty!
In fact, I was the heaviest I had ever been.  In my mind, trying to convince myself this was somehow not my fault, I wondered if maybe I had a giant tumor.  But a quick survey of the last 8 months of data on my Fitbit showed me that I had been less active than ever.  I had slid right into a sedentary lifestyle.  It happened without me even realizing it and I gained weight in a very short period of time.
I committed, then and there, to tracking my food and water intake on my Fitbit every day and ensuring I hit my daily step goal AND a daily workout goal, even if it was just a short walk.  I set my Fitbit to keep me in a 500 calorie deficit.  Meaning, some days I ate 2000 calories, but if I burned 2500 or more, I was still good.  And within a few days, a pound came off, and then another.  Within a month I was down over 6 pounds.  By Christmas, I had lost 30 pounds.  I had not starved myself, I had not given up any of my favorite foods or snacks, and I hadn’t spent every free moment on my treadmill.
Some may question the validity of calorie tracking, and while not an exact science, the proof is in the numbers…I lost weight exactly the way my Fitbit predicted that I would.  I still eat chocolate every day, I eat potatoes like they are going out of style, but I count every calorie of it, savor it, and then burn those calories away.
Here I am, one year later, a different and better me.  I am healthier and fitter than I have ever been.  While still not a skinny person, I am slimmer than I was in high school and for most of my twenties.  I sleep well, have fewer issues with indigestion and I am brimming with energy.
It was an uphill battle and probably one I will always fight.  I am on Synthroid for hypothyroidism and I take medication for my PCOS as well, but things don’t always seem to work as they should.  I have kept the weight off, but I have done so by maintaining my calorie tracking, making sure each day that I am burning more than I am inputting.  What may seem a tedious chore takes me only a few minutes each day, and it keeps me on track and accountable.
But everything changed the day I took ownership of my problem.  It changed my life.  It was humbling but also highly empowering.  I saved my health, and I also saved myself from having to buy a whole new wardrobe!
I believe this calls for a celebration!

Becoming a Better Communicator

I cannot think of one thing in life that couldn’t be improved upon by better communication.  Our work lives, our friendships, our marriages, any aspect of life that entails social interaction can always be improved upon by being good communicators.  And there is no reason to let being a good communicator stop you from becoming better.
I have been a communicator since I was a toddler.  My mom tells me that I spoke full sentences with perfect clarity at 18 months old and I haven’t shut up since then!  I love to write, and I love to read, and I love written communication with someone who is articulate and interesting!  I think of the relationship between Thomas Jefferson and John Adams in their retirement and the letters they exchanged and I just love how ideal that sounds!  What a fascinating correspondence!
I got my Bachelor of Science in Business Management with specializations in organizational leadership and yes…strategic communication.  Throughout both my undergraduate and graduate programs I have taken numerous courses in strategic communication and how to improve as a communicator.  I have also seen my own communication flaws as well, and while I may never perfect them, I have a far greater chance of getting there now that I am aware of them.
I also have some major pet peeves about communication.  One of them is passive or passive aggressive communication.  I often overhear people discussing how their husbands are poor communicators.  They will share the details of an incident at home where they felt their husband was being unusually obtuse, and then launch into a “then I said to him” speech.  And almost invariably, the speech is a passive aggressive soliloquy that is at least as bad as whatever the husband had been doing in the first place.
Passive aggressive speech is never okay, and passive communication is not effective.  If what you are going to say has value, then say it.  Say it with purpose, say it respectfully and with assertiveness.  Don’t beat around the bush: “I wish someone would help me fold the laundry.”  Instead, “Please help me fold the laundry.”  I also hate when I get emails from someone that say, “I am needing you to take a look at this….”  No, just say, “Please look at this.”  I cringe every time I see the phrase “am needing.”  That is someone afraid of direct communication.
Effective communication happens only when the message the receiver gets is the same message that the sender intended.  Someone may fancy themselves a whiz in communication, but if no one ever understands what they mean then they are not.  I knew a director at work once like that.  She used every high dollar word she could in a short email, and we were all left scratching our heads and wondering what exactly she wanted us to do.
My flaw is that I will over-communicate.  My intention is to be helpful, but when you bombard people with tons of nonessential information while getting to your point, you lose them before you get there.  I have lately discovered that a better way is to lead with the point I am making and follow up with detail.  Especially at work.  I am a believer in giving people all of the information necessary to do their jobs effectively.  Unless it’s confidential there is no need to hide the reasons why.  I like to know the reasons why behind things.  But some people don’t.  If you lead with the point you are making, the people who don’t care about the reasons why can be satisfied knowing the instruction, and the others can then continue to be engaged for more information.  This has worked better for me at work.  In my personal life, I struggle with that.  As I have very often been told, “Just tell me the time, don’t build me the clock!”
But it is through a lifelong pursuit that we become better communicators, and in doing so, enrich all of our relationships!

Employee Engagement

One of my favorite aspects of leadership is employee engagement.  It is one of those aspects of leadership that makes people feel good and is a bit fun sometimes.  Unfortunately, I think in a lot of organizations it kind of takes a back burner to other things that could be deemed more important.  Whether we are leaders within our organizations or not, we can all recognize the importance of employee engagement and reap the benefit of it.
It is hard to argue that employee engagement isn’t as equally as important as any other priority.  Employee engagement directly impacts corporate culture, and as the phrase supposedly originated by Peter Drucker says, “Culture eats strategy for breakfast.”  We can have the best training program, the best ideas, the best innovation, but if the culture sucks then it is all for nothing.
Successful employee engagement strategies lower employee turnover and increase employee satisfaction.  This makes for more productive employees, which in turn positively impacts everything else about the organization.
Engagement is also directly linked with innovation.  Employees who are fired up at work are more likely to brainstorm and share great ideas.  Disengaged employees are often checked out and unwilling contribute anything more than they need to in order to remain employed.
Truly successful employee onboarding processes are usually time-consuming and often not cheap.  However, by effectively onboarding employees, they start off on the right foot, feeling engaged and supported, and ready to keep moving forward.  Regular recognition, both intrinsic and extrinsic, helps keep employees motivated.  There is a saying that people will do far more than is required of them simply because they feel appreciated.
Understanding employee goals contributes to employee engagement as well.  Not every employee has aspirations to become the next manager, but those who do should be cultivated.  Continuing education should be available, and regular feedback sessions to help employees focus on areas of opportunity that will assist with their current success or advancement.
Sometimes it is a thankless job, as all leaders know.  On my team, we have implemented some great employee engagement strategies, and while interest and feedback is generally positive, some people just don’t like it.  We have an ongoing Employee Spotlight where every other week an employee from our team is selected to be showcased, both professionally, but also in a fun way.  We ask interview questions like, “If you were a superhero, who would you be and why?”  It allows our remote employees to get to know the faces behind the names they see every day.  We also have monthly Lunch & Learn sessions, where we do some additional education or have a guest speaker come in on a topic suggested by employees.  We have had focus groups, and we have regular meetings to table issues and ideas, and get feedback.   We focus heavily on recognition, not just within our group, but externally, showing appreciation for our internal customers working in other functions.
But some people complain.  Some people hate the Employee Spotlight and refuse to participate.  Some people simply refuse to even attend one Lunch & Learn session, ruling it out before they even try it.  We have annual recognition events as a company and some people hate those as well.  They complain, they try to get others on board with their complaints and they are negative.  It is exhausting and disheartening to battle constantly against that negativity.
But we don’t do it to make everyone happy.  We do it because it is the right thing to do.  We do it for the one person on the team who is inspired and goes on to greater success because of our influence.  We do it because we need to remove legitimate roadblocks and meet legitimate needs.  Employee engagement does that.
And working in an area with a low level of employee engagement is a soul crushing experience we have all probably faced, and no leader should inflict that on their team.