“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies…The man who never reads lives only one.” – George R. R. Martin

My mom always encouraged us to read when we were kids.  She didn’t even care what it was, she just wanted us to grow up with an appreciation for reading.  She didn’t just do this by telling us to read, but by setting an example.  My mom was a voracious reader when I was growing up, and she would retell stories she had read and it captivated us.  We wanted to read stories, too!

I didn’t like reading at first.  I suspect it was partly due to the fact that I have a degree of dyslexia.  Even to this day, I am a very slow reader, and often have to reread something to truly appreciate or understand it.  As a small kid, I found this frustrating.  However, I got a set of books for Christmas when I was maybe 8 years old.  Little Women, The Secret Garden, Gulliver’s Travels and others, all books that told stories that brought out the best in my imagination.  I decided then that I wanted to grow up to write stories, too!

For the Christmas that I was ten years old, my mom gave me Anne of Green Gables and I was hooked.  It was magic.  There was adventure (and misadventure), there was romance, poetry, and positive life lessons.  I would have to say that I think Anne influenced me more than any other fictional work ever has.  It is no wonder that Mark Twain had such high praise for the Anne book!  To this day, I find myself reciting the poetry within the books (Anne of Green Gables is how I learned to love Tennyson!), and quoting Anne herself.  “It’s been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.”  How often have I repeated this to myself?!

I have seen the moon rise over the African desert, I have seen the mountains of Afghanistan with the sunrise behind them, I have seen horses march across Europe in battle, and I have seen the blossoms on the cherry trees in the springtime in eastern Canada.  Not with my eyes, but in my imagination through reading books.

It is a funny thing that even as a kid and a young teenager; I enjoyed and gravitated toward stories about immigration and new beginnings.  I rarely read fiction anymore, but one of my favorite books is Evergreen by Belva Plain, which is a saga about the life of a young woman coming to America.   Another one is The Irish by Doris Flood Ladd, a story about two siblings braving the uncertainty of a new life to escape the poverty of their life in Ireland.  As it turns out, I ended up becoming an immigrant myself!

Reading is a major influence on our thinking and development.  It is as strong an influence as the people we spend our time with.  This is why we should read hungrily, and not pigeon hole ourselves into one thing.  We should let these stories broaden our horizons; take us to different places and even different time periods.  When we see the world through different perspectives we gain wisdom and compassion, and hopefully also a desire to go out and see the world ourselves and tell our own stories!

This morning I read, “Don’t be thin-skinned.  Take criticism as well as praise with equal grace.”  This was in a book of short sayings by H. Jackson Brown called The Complete Life’s Little Instruction Book.  It is a cute little book and filled with truly wise advice, given by someone who appears to have learned some of these lessons firsthand!

This quote reminded me of one of my all-time favorite poems.  I remember the first time I ever heard someone recite “If” by Rudyard Kipling.  When she got to the line, “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster/And treat those two imposters just the same” I felt something resonate deeply.  Every line of that poem inspired me!

They say feedback is a gift, and if that’s true, then Christmas comes fairly often to me!  I have always been the recipient of a lot of feedback.  Whether it is the quality or style of my work, my hairstyles, or my mannerisms, people seem pretty comfortable just telling me whatever they think.

On the one hand, I take it sort of as a compliment.  I am not so thin skinned that they shrink from sharing their feelings.  On the other hand, it is a bit tiring.  However, the same can be said about a lot of positive feedback.  Sometimes you can tell it is disingenuous.  Sometimes you can tell it is being handed out without discretion and is meaningless.  In both cases, I just try to smile and move on from it.

The same can be said for moments of victory or failure.  I was so pleased with myself when I completed my first half marathon, but by the next day, I had moved on to the next goal.  I was very disappointed the month after that when I didn’t get the promotion that I wanted, but I took a moment to lick my wounds and then moved onto the next big plan as well.  In both cases, neither victory nor defeat proved to define who I am.

It helps me to remember that whatever people think is only just their opinion, and they are fully entitled to whatever it is.  Whether they think I’m great or incompetent does not need to weigh on me or define me.  Same with circumstances; whether I win or lose, it is a moment in time and not any sort of illustration of my destiny.

Kipling’s Triumph and Disaster are two pretenders…one lulls us into complacency and a sense that we do not need to keep trying, while the other makes us insecure and believe we can’t succeed anyway.  Both of these prevent us from reaching our full potential.

We should be proud of our achievements and learn from our mistakes, but give neither the reins over our lives.  We should be able to take criticism and praise equally, applying both to move us in the right direction.  As the poem states at the end, with Kipling speaking to his son, then he will be a man.  And man or woman, we should all strive to reach that level of maturity.

This is a subject that always makes me laugh and makes me think people aren’t listening to themselves when they speak.

As my sister says, “’Actually’ makes it worse!”

Take any compliment and insert “actually.”

“You actually look really good today.”

“This dinner you made actually tastes really good.”

“Wow!  You actually did a really good job!”

I can’t think of a situation where the word “actually” improves a compliment.  It makes the person speaking seem dumbfounded that something was good.

These are backhanded compliments – a genuine compliment but with a slap in the face attached.  Dinner was good, and I thought it was going to suck, so now I am extra delighted that you aren’t as incompetent as I expected!

Another awkward compliment that I learned well last year is the, “you have lost a ton of weight!” A ton?  Really?!  How flattering! 

How about, “You look great!  I hardly recognized you!”  Well, I am glad I no longer look like a forest troll!

They are funny, and I always have a good laugh when I either receive or overhear these comments, but it’s awkward at the same time.  Some people are notoriously bad about it.  It is especially awkward if your manager or supervisor uses it.

Giving a compliment is a happy moment for both giver and receiver.  If someone has done something to please you, it is important to share that with them, to brighten their day and reward their efforts.  I think it also requires us to be a little more imaginative than just muttering whatever hapless words come to our mouths.  We should have a little more pride in our imaginations anyway.  I don’t want someone to repeat some ridiculous and halfhearted thing I said in a moment when I could have been creative and sincere.

And in closing, I hope you all actually have a really good Wednesday!

I am not a sensitive person, and I don’t offend easily.  Even when others are less than polite, I am pretty \”go with the flow\” and don’t take too much exception to it.  However, I have been reading a lot about etiquette lately just out of curiosity.

I remember one of the course books I had in school while homeschooling was a book about very basic etiquette for a young lady.  It was sort of outdated, but it taught young people some useful skills, such as how to appropriately introduce people to one another, how to send a thank you card and what the appropriate time frames were to send it depending on the occasion, and how to send RSVPs and knowing how to bring gifts to the hostess of a party.

I have never been much for standing on ceremony, but I think it’s unfortunate that we have lost some of the basic rules of etiquette.  I know a few people with social anxiety, and I think if we all knew the rules of etiquette and practiced them it would actually alleviate some of that anxiety because we would behave in expected ways. 

I follow a great blog called The Art of Manliness.  I am not a man, but this blog is incredibly well written and the different themes it touches on manage to impress me every day.  It hits on all kinds of themes that the writer believes all men should know such as how to develop basic skills, grooming and style, and etiquette in different situations.  It is a modern take on masculine etiquette.

I think perhaps people resist traditional aspects of etiquette and formal manners because it harkens back to a time when society viewed male and female roles in outdated ways.  However, our modern achievements in gender roles can still make room to appreciate social grace. 

Most rules of etiquette are basic common sense that saves everyone an awkward moment, and yet often not practiced.  Walking on the right-hand side so someone coming towards you can pass easily is one example.  Entering and exiting a chair around a conference table on the correct side so people aren’t crashing into one another upon rising is another (no one seems to understand this one!).  And one I know irritates me the most, introducing people to one another properly!

Here is an article I read outlining some of the most basic etiquette rules, rules that if we all committed to practicing it might spare us all a few awkward moments!

Back in July, a coworker of mine was seriously injured in an accident.  He has been in the hospital or in a rehab facility ever since.  It was a terrible situation to hear about, but these types of things always seem to bring out the very best in people.

His wife started a GoFundMe campaign and within a day of it circulating, over $1000 was raised.  So, a few of us at work decided to hold a bake sale, hoping not only to raise a few bucks for him but to also demonstrate that he is still in our thoughts, that we haven’t forgotten him even though we haven’t seen him in almost two months.

Part one of the bake sale lasted 90 minutes, and we raised $1240.  While the baked goods were delicious and the bakers who provided them were very generous, it was not the baked goods themselves that put the money in the collection bucket.

It was the extraordinary generosity and kindness of the people who work here, which is a reflection of both this community and this nation.  When tragedy strikes, people are there in practical ways, bringing money, food, clothing and other necessities, from both the highest paid employees to the lowest.  It touched my heart seeing entry level employees digging deep for our fellow coworker in need.

More than a few times, someone grabbed a cookie and threw $100 into the collection bucket.  The generosity nearly had us in tears.

As we prepare to understand the fallout of Hurricane Harvey, I will not be surprised by the outpouring of charity, love, and support from all across the nation for those displaced by the storm.  It is proof that private citizens are capable of coming together and working efficiently for a good cause.  We do not need bureaucracy getting in the way.  We do not need to be forced into being charitable.  Millions upon millions of people will give because they feel called in their hearts to do so.

When hurricane Ike hit the southern coast in 2008, my husband loaded up with some of his colleagues and went down and helped out for a week, restoring order and helping folks in need.  While I am proud of him, his story is far from unique. 

When I feel discouraged by the worst sides of humanity, which often gets full coverage on the news, I see these situations and I am reminded of the enormous potential that people have.  People can be so compassionate, so charitable and so eager to serve others, and we need to remember that when we get discouraged by the negativity we see.  My husband\’s friend is down there doing search and rescue, others have offered to take in those displaced by the storm.  I was told today that the HEB grocery store chain is down there with literal truckloads of provisions to help those in need.  It is truly an inspiration to see.

Back in an early season of Frasier, Frasier Crane says, “You know the expression, “Living well is the best revenge.”  Niles replies, “It’s a wonderful expression.  I just don’t know how true it is.  You don’t see it turning up in a lot of opera plots.”

This cracks me up every time.  While most of our entertainment is geared around seeking more exciting revenge, living well is a far better option.  Perhaps our focus shouldn’t be on the revenge itself, but rather on living well.

Revenge is a petty thing and a dangerous thing.  Living with an aim for revenge is self –destructive in the same way as choosing not to forgive.  Biblical wisdom warns us against seeking revenge as well.  I believe that the willful attempt to seek revenge is personally damaging.  You aim to damage another person, but you only damage yourself.

Revenge is not empowering.  Revenge is a small minded concept.  It keeps your focus on something negative and ties your actions back to satisfy something that went wrong in your life.  People say revenge is sweet, but I have never gotten back at someone and felt any better for it.  Usually, you feel worse, still upset, and now also petty because you acted beneath yourself.

The empowering part of the message is living well.  We should live well for the sake of living well.  We only get one life to live and we can’t possibly enjoy everything that the world has to offer if we are focused on the negative pieces of our past.  When we think of all the good we are capable of doing, what a terrible waste to spend that energy on revenge instead!

I found myself in an elevated conflict a long time ago with someone who began seeking petty revenge against me and then escalated it further and further.  I made it clear that I would not tolerate the behavior, but (even when I was tempted in certain moments) never reciprocated.  Sometimes the temptation got pretty strong, but I resisted.  In the end, I have no regrets.  The situation sort of fizzled out, with her looking foolish and me looking stoic (and that isn’t always something I do well, as excitable as I can be!).  I had no regrets, and while she was plotting, I was working toward a promotion – which I achieved successfully.  Time well spent!

I think of my closest friends and family and how successful they appear and, most importantly, how happy they are.  They don’t spend their idle hours skulking around and plotting against the people who dislike them.  They are volunteers, they work with charities, and they are community participators.  They are the ones creating small businesses, donating their talents to different organizations, working to make their dreams come true.  They are creators of new processes, ideas, and works of art.  They are living well, and an inspiration to me. 

Perhaps the saying should be, “living well is the best way to feel empowered!”  

“Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

This quote really ties into one that I have often repeated to myself as a leader, and that is that people who feel appreciated will always do more than what is expected.  Managers always ask what they can do to motivate the employees to do more.  But the first question we ask should be, what are we not doing already that we should be?

Small recognitions, like words of appreciation, are intrinsic motivators.  Motivators like this help build a positive culture, not based on monetary rewards but rather on a sense of each person feeling valued.  Strong contributors should be told they are appreciated.  Even when the work they are doing falls within their scope if they do it timely and with excellence (and above all, with a positive attitude) it needs to be recognized with words of appreciation.

I received one of these this week from someone on my team.  It made my day and put a spring in my step.  It was not for any one particular thing I had done, but a public expression of her appreciation of me for being “always available even when you are not available” and for having a cheerful attitude while serving others.  To me, no other words could possibly be more rewarding to hear.  The fact that I am making a positive difference while just going about my business is tremendously encouraging to me! Now I want to do more and do it better!

Think about the people you live with, whether it is parents or a spouse or whomever.  You spend your evening after work or your weekend morning cleaning the house, prepping food, folding laundry or whatever.  Then when your family members see, they thank you for taking both the time and the effort to make their lives happier or more comfortable.  It is a great feeling!

But think of the reverse.  You do all of that work and someone walks in, throws their keys down on the counter and says, “So, what are we eating?”  It is like a slap in the face.  Yes, maybe it was your turn to clean up the kitchen, but you did it so well and did some other things, too!  How nice to get a simple thank you for it.

The same goes when our best employees or team mates go unappreciated.  We talk about engagement and motivation, but if we don’t take these opportunities to thank them when they do a good job, we miss the greatest chance of all!  Appreciation builds relationships and trust, it opens up a door to communication, it improves morale.   And the lack of it will drive strong performers away.

We should all stop every day and remember the people both at work and at home that improve our lives and appreciate them.  Our appreciation should be sincere and specific.  And if that doesn’t start making a positive impact on these relationships, I’ll eat my hat!

I remember reading somewhere that everyone has a story to tell; some people just want to tell it more than others.  I am often reminded of this when I talk to a lady I know.  She dearly loves to talk about her life story.  In her eyes, her life has been a fairy tale adventure filled with romance, good lessons and the best fun times you can imagine.

I am so pleased for her that her life has been so rewarding for her.  She doesn’t think anything could compete with the life she has had or the way she’s raised her children or the world she has built around herself.  I personally have not found even one story she has told me even marginally interesting, but I let her tell me a story now and then because it makes her happy to do so and it’s a small thing to do for someone else to make their day.

But it makes me think of all of the people I see every day, and how every one of them has a story, and some of them very interesting.  Most people, regardless of their age, have a good tale to tell.  The problem with the aforementioned lady is not that she tells her story, but that she is so interested in her own that she doesn’t care about anyone else’s.  Which is a shame, we should be just as willing to hear a story as tell one.

When any of us struggles for inspiration, whether it is to write something or achieve something, it is easy to look around at the many life stories that surround us.  Even the quietest and most unassuming people around us are just closed book characters, they still have a story.

We all only get our own one life to experience the world with, and that is why reading books is such a great pastime.  When we read, we get to experience a story outside of our own, one we may never have the chance to experience ourselves.  Sometimes the stories are told in the past and we cannot go back, but we can still experience the story through the book itself.  I recently listened to the audiobook of Khaled Hosseini And the Mountains Echoed and it was a series of interwoven stories, past and present, full of many great characters and their perspectives.  It gave me a peek into other experiences I have never had myself.

People are the same, living stories we can interact with and learn from and gain a new perspective from.  We should share our stories, and we should feel happy and grateful when others are willing to share their stories with us.  Even if it occasionally means sucking it up and listening to someone who has stories that don’t interest you.