Normalizing The Lifestyle We Want

When I first got into lifting, and started realizing many of things I’d have to start doing to be effective, I felt a bit isolated. Prioritizing protein, going to bed early, supplementing certain things, being super disciplined, I either felt like a weirdo or a superhero, and neither was very healthy!

So I began filling my social media newsfeeds with people with similar goals. One example is Stephanie Sanzo (@StephanieSanzo on Instagram) who lifted the way I wanted, built muscle the way I wanted, and watching her train and eat motivated me that the way I was doing things wasn’t special or weird. It was normal. At least for the people with my goals.

I get close to 9 hours of sleep a night. I fast for at least 12 hours a day. I keep my carbs down, my protein up. I drink tons of water, I supplement with minerals and electrolytes. I lift heavy and have a recovery routine. And it’s not weird. Maybe it is to some people, but to the people I surround myself with (including my husband!), this is all normal course of life.

When I got into holistic health, it was the same thing. Thankfully my sisters have been on this journey with me in varying degrees. We don’t do big pharma. We embrace natural wellness. I follow tons of natural health adopters, they have totally normalized my way of living.

I’ve changed my laundry soap and toothpaste and skincare to clean products. We don’t use excessive chemicals in my home. I’ve detoxed away from fabric softener and even deodorant (and discovered that after that I didn’t even need those things).

Another thing we do at my house: about an hour before bed we turn off the TV and read. Limit our blue light exposure and the noise. Definitely let’s you unwind and prepare yourself for sleep.

Weird out in the world? Maybe. But my sisters, my husband and the people I allow to influence me make it totally normal.

It’s important to surround yourself with influences that normalize the life you want to have, because otherwise you’ll be influenced away from it. Some people say to be cautious because you become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. The Bible says to not be unequally yoked. Maybe it’s cool to stand among a social gathering and be the fittest person there, but that is not helpful long term. Be around people who are better than you at being what you want to be. Let them rub off on you.

I see Stephanie Sanzo and I’m not anywhere close to there yet. But the small steps matter and feeling like my lifestyle is normal is a huge step in making sure I continue to take those little steps.

Progress Comes in Many Small Steps

Today I compared some gym pics from this week to pictures from February of 2020. Back when I was already showing progress, was very excited, and thought my arms were looking strong!

And compared to today it’s totally different.

Fitness is a path to humility because it seems the further you go the further you realize you need to go. In 2020 I was like “heck yes, look at me! So strong and fit!” And today, so much stronger and fitter and I can only see how far I have left to go.

Progress comes as a result of thousands of small good decisions. I lifted when I was tired. I lifted when I was stressed. I lifted during the throes of my divorce when I was at my wit’s end. And I lifted when I was day one back home from getting remarried. I have stayed the course.

No matter what you want in life it’s somewhere down the road of a thousand good decisions. A thousand or more mornings waking up and staying the course.

My shoulders are a result of a thousand days making thousands of reps. My current job is the result of years of hustling, learning, working hard and putting in time. My current home life is a result of learning from mistakes, making hard decisions and taking responsibility for my mistakes and my personal growth.

Very little happens over night. Most everything requires grit, sacrifice and commitment. But the time is going to pass whether you pursue the goal or not. You’ll wake up three years from now either where you’re at today or further ahead.

The choice is yours. And mine. And I’m excited by my progress.

Dealing with Harassment

Self defense is the most basic and important right we have.

I’m a strong supporter of the second amendment, own and carry guns for my protection and have once had to pull it out (thankfully with no harm done).

But defense begins in small ways, too. Harassment is no joke. How many true crime shows begin with a bad break up and end with a murderous rampage?

I think its natural for humans (especially female humans!) to be curious about one another. But when that becomes obsession, intimidation or a pattern of concerning conduct it needs to be addressed swiftly.

This has happened to me once before. A former friend of mine lost her mind, so to speak, and began a series of totally irrational behaviors toward me and my family and did not stop until we threatened to file a police report against her.

No one has the right to track, stalk and intimidate. Especially if you make the effort to block and avoid them. If you made it clear you don’t want to be contacted and they make deliberate attempts to put themselves in your path and watch you, it’s worth taking seriously.

Every murder you hear about on the local news begins with someone the neighbors say “she was so nice” but ended up going off the deep end. Don’t take it lightly when someone begins to cross the line. File a police report. Make it clear that you don’t want to be threatened.

And never leave home without protection.

Priorities

I was just telling my husband (I love calling him that!) that if he had met me four or five years ago he wouldn’t recognize who I am today in terms of my priorities.

Back in 2019 I was managing two different departments at work. I was leading kaizen events and running daily meetings with 50+ regional attendees. I got up every morning and donned heels and skirts and blazers, and had burning ambitions to climb the corporate ladder.

Today, I am not that person.

I have what is, on paper, a great job. I have a six-figure salary with unlimited time off and great benefits, and I work from home. Three years in a row, I have ended the year in the top 10% in the country. I’m good at what I do, and it is a job many people would call a career.

But I’m more excited and proud of my poetry books than I am about my job.

I am very grateful for my job, for having work to do and an income to support my household. But I no longer burn with ambition. I have openly expressed that I have no interest in promotions. I want to do my job, do my best and in my off time, I don’t want to worry about it at all.

Back in the last quarter of 2018, I worked 80 hours a week, busting my ass to make a difference and make a name for myself. I soon discovered that in the corporate world, no one really cares about you as a person. And when I got no acknowledgement of the investment of my time and effort, I realized my job can’t compensate for time lost with my family or my passions.

My purpose in life, what I believe I am most good at, is helping others realize their true potential. To bring out the best in others and help them succeed. And I used to believe that I had to do this as a job, with a title. But I have learned, I can do this informally. I often do it through fitness or in my writing.

I have changed my priorities. I want to leave the world better than I found it, and my ambition changed from thinking this was done through career success to believing it is done, one on one, in trust and friendship with the people around me.

Second Chances

Second chances are a beautiful thing. In family or friendship or marriage, it’s wonderful when a rift or a detachment can be mended by a second chance.

But sometimes it is very hard. Especially in long relationships, it can be hard to adjust perspective about someone who’s been one way for a long time.

A funny example I recall was a story my sister told me about her ex-husband. They started dating when she was 19. And when she was 30 she said she liked something and her then husband said, “you don’t like that! You never did before.” And she had to explain that while she didn’t like it at 19, she enjoyed it now.

Sometimes it’s hard to let people grow.

I met my ex-husband when I was 16. We married at 23, and we’d already felt like we knew each forever. But by 30, I was no longer who I was at 16. And more importantly, in the years between mistakes had been made, and sometimes it’s hard to let those things go.

It’s important that people grow together, or often one leaves the other behind. That’s not their fault for growing. You can’t stunt your own growth to stay back with someone else. That’s why it’s important to choose your friends and spouse well, to choose someone who will grow with you and accept you as you do.

Sometimes it cannot be done. It takes a huge amount of courage and humility to truly offer someone the room to grow or the chance to try again.

It’s the beauty I find in my second marriage. To start fresh. To be loved for who I am, not who I was 20 years ago or who I was supposed to grow to be but never became. It’s finding someone in step with me in the middle of life, someone with a similar vision, which I could never have guessed at twenty years ago.

It’s an amazing thing to see a couple stay married their whole life, grow together and make room for each other’s growth. To find themselves at the end still enchanted with one another despite no longer being who they were at the start.

But I’m so glad for all my second chances. My mended friendships. My wonderful new marriage. A chance to be my best self and make my best impact in life. And thank God for His grace and forgiveness.

New Year, New Last Name

I am back to work again today after the holidays and one of my tasks (a fun one!) is updating my name in the systems and signatures following my New Year’s nuptials.

A colleague of mine recently went through this as well. In fact we both got divorced around the same time in 2020 and she got remarried 4 months ago. The professional quandary of wanting to take your married name but all your clients know you under a different name. She’s given me some good advice.

Another interesting thing is dealing with the shock and possibly judgement of having eloped. The “is it too soon?” expressions, or “you didn’t want a wedding?” But no one can possibly understand anyone else’s actual situation, and I’m not here to be understood.

I’m just here to be happy.

Happier, in fact, than I can ever remember being. More loved. More appreciated for who I am. More respected. More at peace.

My sister married her second husband back in 2021, and that, too, set a good example. She had not initiated her divorce, but quickly showed resilience. She met her current husband – who is a much better match for her in a million ways – 6 months after they initiated separation. She did a fantastic job of letting her new man be himself and never tried to hold against him things her ex had done/not done. She let him help her heal from the damage done by a marriage that wasn’t healthy. And she embraced this new life where she’s successful in both her corporate job and as an entrepreneur, happy, and supported and loved by a man who appreciates her.

And that’s my goal too. I start this new year with more than a new name. It’s my chance to do things better. To continue growing into who I am meant to be. Since I met my new husband I’ve been writing more and better. I’ve gotten better as a person. My faith has grown tremendously. I, too, get the chance to be loved properly. And to do a better job at loving back.

And we all deserve that.

Secret of Life

2023 has already been a wonderful year for me. I rang in the new year by getting remarried, to the love of my life. Nothing else this year or any year will top this.

But also, I have published my 7th book, a collection of poetry called Secret of Life. I’m especially proud of this collection, I feel like I combined some of my style and feelings and vulnerability from recent years. It is reflective, as this year I’ll also turn 40 and my childhood friends and I are all sharing in this milestone. There are love poems, and poems about faith.

I’ve tried to find a voice that is relatable for others, while at the same time expressing something unique to me. Because whatever people see on the outside, I’m a woman still growing, still learning, still healing and still trying to do the next right thing.

Please check out my new book below!

Available on Amazon