On March 30, 2002 – almost 17 years ago – my family and I disembarked from an airplane in Houston, Texas.  Our new home.

I had long dreamed of moving to America, Texas specifically.  As a fifteen year old in high school, I remember telling a classmate, \”before I am 21, I will be living in Texas.\”  I had absolutely no line of sight as to how I would accomplish this but I was willing to talk a pretty big game.

My dream came true two months before my 19th birthday. Even though it was a dream come true, it took a while before I began to view Texas as my true home.  One summer in 2005 I had gone out of state for a week, and as we crossed back into Texas I experienced for the first time that I was coming home.

Today, after many years, I became an American citizen.

It is sort of a surreal experience.  For ten years, I have carried a green card in my wallet.  For years before that, some other type of paper documentation to support my existence here.  I have stood in international student lines, I\’ve had to supply my authorization to work for employment.  I have had to notify the government of my address changes.  Worst of all, I have been deeply passionate about politics and unable to cast a vote (though I have been one hell of a taxpayer!).

Today that all changes.  They took away my green card and immigration documents and bestowed upon me this invisible sense of truly belonging here.  They gave me rights.  They gave me permanence. 

The details of the oath ceremony will become a fuzzy memory over time.  I\’ll forget what I wore.  I might forget the exact wording of the oath.  But I won\’t forget what a privilege it is to come through this process, to have earned the right to call myself an American.  It has been expensive, and it has taken a long time.  But I know I will never forget the thrill the first time I get to check a box stating that I am an American citizen.

It\’s a small thing, perhaps.  No one passing by me will be able to detect the change in me.  But it is the marking of a dream come true.

Most people who know me only from workplace or social situations are surprised to learn that I am an introvert.  I am never afraid to chime in with an opinion, lead a discussion or run a meeting.  I dislike small talk but I am not afraid to open up conversations with strangers or make them feel comfortable.  I have been given feedback that I come across as cheerful and enthusiastic.

However, this all comes at a cost to me.  I am a high functioning introvert in these situations, but it requires me to be outside of my comfort zone.  After a full day of this, I find myself exhausted.  Just speaking at length makes me so tired.

I have learned to find ways to cope with this.  We can\’t really change who we are or how we are wired, but we can find ways to adapt to the pressures of our environments.  Being aware of our needs makes it easier to strategize ways to function while not causing too much suffering to ourselves (sometimes a small amount of suffering is unavoidable!).

This week was a perfect example for me.  I have had nearly 20 meetings scheduled this week, and a chunk of those meetings are ones where I am the facilitator.  I knew as I was scheduling my week that this was going to be hard on me.  So the strategy I chose this week was to fill Monday with meetings, especially in the morning hours, and then aim to go home a bit early and catch up on some solo projects in the solitude of my empty house through the late afternoon.  I ended the day exhausted, but knowing that the worst part of my week was over.  I let Friday be the lightest day, as that way I am not going into my weekend fatigued from feeling overly socialized – if I do that, I will be especially reclusive over the weekend.

Another strategy I regularly use, especially when planning one-on-ones with my employees or other meetings where my focus is especially important is to mindfully schedule them during times of the day when I am best equipped to be energetic and focused on them.  For me, this is during the morning.  I find that I am at my sharpest and most likely to be able to socialize well before ten o\’clock in the morning.  I find this also benefits my employees.  If the conversation is positive, it sets them up for a happy day.  If it\’s a little bit difficult, it gives us time to work through it without them leaving for the day feeling defeated.  I like to have the time for them to recover from that and end the day on a successful note.

When I come home at the end of the day, I try to allow myself about an hour where I am alone.  I get my workout in, check in with my dogs, take some time for silence.  Building recovery time into my day is always important.  That often involves a workout, where I can focus entirely on myself in silence.

A few weeks ago I had a week-long kaizen event with long days where I was socializing non-stop.  I got to leave early on Friday after the event ended.  I didn\’t feel tired, but I ended up taking a three hour nap (and I am not a napper!).  However, doing so refreshed me completely and I was able to go on to my weekend fully recovered.

The world is noisy, distracting, and exhausting for me.  Being self aware enough to plan ahead for my needs has made me a little bit more resilient, and not only that, but more effective in dealing with the people who depend on me.

One thing I wish, as we continue to reflect on women and our empowerment, is that we would stop passing our opinions down on other women as to when or if they should be mothers, how long they should breast feed, how to parent their kids, or any number of \”none of your business\” topics that come with reproduction.

I have been down this road for a long time.  I have written before about my struggle with infertility.  In my twenties I tried for years and years to conceive without success.  During this time, a lot of female coworkers made comments to me like, \”by the time I was your age I had two kids, don\’t you like children?\”  Saying this to a woman struggling with infertility is just the most absolutely ignorant thing you can do.

Never shy and always feisty, I started cracking back at them with the journey I was on and would say, \”But thank you for so rudely drawing attention to my struggle.\”  Unkind perhaps, but sometimes this is the only way people learn.

At this very moment I know many women who are pregnant.  Some are elated having conceived after a struggle.  Some are nervous and unsure how they will enjoy motherhood.  Some are very young new mothers, some are older moms for the second or third time.  Some got pregnant by accident, others after years of trying.  Some are sensitive about the changes to their bodies, some are enjoying the thickening up they see.  Some are keeping their babies\’ names a secret, some are already calling their expectant one by their name. Some are choosing to let the gender be a surprise!

Also, I know many women struggling at different stages of their infertility.  Some are nearing the end of their decided path, others are just beginning. Some are going through difficult emotions as they come to terms with what they feel is their \”failure\” – a feeling I certainly felt during my own struggle with infertility – and some are pondering the financial impact of medical treatments.  Some are young women, and some are nearing the end of their fertility window.

All of these women are in different places, and yet not one of them deserves to be subjected to my opinions or suggestions on how to proceed.

I am often subject to this, and while I am not sensitive about it,  I find it rather appalling the things women are willing to say to one another.  I have taken my infertility journey and it ended empty handed.  I eventually achieved peace about that.  I am beyond that desire now.  I will be 36 this year.  I do not judge other women in their late thirties and forties for attempting to conceive, and I wish them all the best success in their journey, but having children into my late thirties isn\’t the journey I wanted. 

When people tell me, \”There\’s still plenty of time for you, you\’re still young\” they are ignorant of where I have been in this journey and how far I have come.  They don\’t know about the doctor\’s appointments I went to, the temperature tracking, the expensive ovulation kits, the imaging procedures, medication and on and on.  They don\’t know about the monthly sorrow in feeling like a failure.  They don\’t know the hopes and the tears that have gone on before, or the peace that I have since achieved within my soul about it.  They speak in ignorance, but it\’s just so beyond impolite.

I have a friend who is close to my age, she doesn\’t and has never wanted kids.  People make the same comments about her and then say, \”You don\’t want kids?!\” As if she is a cannibal or something.  It\’s not their place to judge.  She doesn\’t want kids.  It\’s none of their business.

It\’s almost exclusively women who do this, the very type of person who should know better.  The very people who have made their own decisions with their bodies about whether or not to have children, or how far to go in an effort to try.  Which makes it all the more egregious that it\’s women who always do this.

Today is International Women\’s Day and as I reflect upon that I wanted to share a recent conversation I had with a female leader in my life.  

Over the past few weeks I have been engaged in a truly empowering and mind-opening experience at work.  I was leading a team for our local Shingijutsu Kaizen event, which was entirely new to me.  I was previously familiar with kaizen principles – and throughout my masters degree program I was certainly experienced in using lean tools and process improvement – but a kaizen event, especially of this magnitude, was new to me.

Last fall, I was in the process of restructuring my department and for about two months I worked 70 hours a week, so when Christmas time came along I was very pleased to be back to normal hours.  When I was presented the challenge of leading a kaizen team in early January, I freely admit that I accepted with a bit of resignation.  Thankfully, I am genuinely passionate about patient care, and I am a deeply competitive person.  Finding innovative, competitive ways to enhance patient care is exciting to me.

The details of the project and the tremendous work that went into it are a story of their own.  My team and I were faced with a very challenging task and the work that went into our project is something of which I am very proud.  But this is my story, the personal growth experience that I have had over the past few weeks.

I have been with my current organization for ten years this year, and my biggest frustration has always been how under-utilized I have been.  I am a 35 year old woman, educated, experienced and passionate about leadership, and yet in the not so distant past I have had managers pull me away from my leadership functions to have me answer phones at the reception desk for weeks on end.  In previous roles I have taken on projects resulting in big results for our region, and yet later on I was shifted into roles where I have worked in almost total isolation, with no opportunity to engage with anyone at all.

There were times in my journey where I was beyond frustrated.  I was demoralized.

I have only been in my current role for a short time but my new manager has expressed so much confidence in me.  She gave me this kaizen opportunity saying, \”I want everyone to see you shine.\”  She used the word shine.  She empowered me and set me free to do this hard work that she believed I could do.  During the process she was present, but not domineering. She let me find my own way.  She supported me without stepping in to prop me up.  And when I shared some of the feedback with her that I received along the way she said, \”I knew how impressive you would be.\”

The week of the actual kaizen event brought new challenges.  Our original scope, which had been so carefully managed so as not to rock the boat, was blown open when our sensei challenged us to think bigger.  My team struggled with thoughts of \”but we need finance/commercial/operations leadership to make those decisions\” but sensei said, \”as a team, decide what you would do.  Think bigger!\”

My team delivered on this challenge, and so impressed me.  As a team, we transitioned into a state of empowerment, where nothing was impossible for us.  We were asked on day four to share the story of our team, and it was one of empowerment.  That story is a reflection of my own personal empowerment from this process.

I had conversations this week that I will never forget.  Things that impacted me beyond this project, or even this job, that I will remember as I advance through my career.  There were moments of great praise, and there were moments of tough feedback.  There were moments where I felt elation, and in others that I felt defeated.  But then I would look away from the \”stuff\” and look into the eyes of my team members, and I saw their expectations, their reservations, their potential, and I found within myself the courage that I have always had.  The courage that comes when you are passionate about people.

A few years ago, one of my superiors bluntly told me that she could see no discernible evidence of my leadership abilities.  Not in that moment or in any moment since did I believe her.  I do not understand why some people try to put a lid on me.  People use all kinds of words to tear me down.  Other people use all kinds of words to build me up.  But at the end of the day, they are all just words.  I know who I am.

This kaizen week was a challenge.  I was not feeling 100% healthy, long days left my team tired.  There was conflict, change, and challenge all happening at once sometimes.  But I got to prove something to my doubters this week: I am a capable leader.

My mom, who happens to work with me and was a member on my team, told me afterwards that she couldn\’t have been more proud of the way I presented myself this week.  It meant so much coming from her, because no leader in my whole life has been as great a role model to me as she has been.  It is an honor for me to follow in her footsteps.

Sometime back, a situation arose at work where someone was behaving pretty disrespectfully.  When I called attention to this, I was told, \”she is going through some things at home\” and that I needed to give her a break.

I took exception to this.  There are some things I would gladly overlook or have compassion for when there are issues.  Sometimes when people have a lot on their mind they forget things, they overlook things, they make mistakes.  But to behave with blatant disrespect didn\’t seem acceptable, regardless of what was going on behind the scenes.

Recently, a friend and coworker of mine went through a truly heartbreaking time – for the second time.  I won\’t go into the details of her situation, but with her permission I will allude to it.  This woman has been dealt a very tough hand, and yet all I see in her is grace and dignity. 

I had sort of a revelation about this in a meeting a few weeks ago.  I had just heard the news about the difficult time she was facing the day before.  I was running late to a meeting and came trotting into the room and was surprised to see her seated there, and she smiled at me when she saw me come in.  Throughout the meeting, she was engaged.  She answered questions, she was friendly in her interactions.  Did she appear a little tired?  Yes. Her sparkle was missing, but her character was not.  She was gracious and kind, as she always is.

In the days and weeks that followed, I was further impressed by her grace in the choices she made.  There were tears that I did not see, and I found my mind on her a lot, wondering how she was doing.  But every interaction I had with her, she was sweet, respectful, and engaged.

We all cope with trials differently.  I understand that.  But if in her sorrows she could treat others with basic courtesy and respect, it drew a drastic comparison with others who will not.  We cannot choose our hardships, and we cannot choose how we are wired to think or feel and process situations.  But we do get to choose our attitudes and behaviors.  And it makes it all the more unacceptable to me when others, in their difficult times, mistreat those around them.

This friend of mine is strong.  Not because she isn\’t hurt by the difficulties of life, but because while in them she makes the choice to treat others well.  As both a leader and as a woman, I am inspired by this. 

My friend has faced difficulties that I wouldn\’t wish on anyone, and she is facing it for the second time.  When others would become resentful, bitter or bleak, she is kind, hopeful and full of grace.  It is in these difficult moments that our true characters are on display, and hers is beautiful. 

I started using Rosetta Stone to learn French a little over a month ago.  I hesitate to call this a review, because one month is not long enough to tell whether I will be successful at this.  However, one month in I definitely have some opinions to share!

So, to start, I bought the electronic version of this from Rosetta Stone itself on a pre-Christmas deal.  I believe the 2 year subscription package I bought was normally $250 for one code to be used on the app and on the desktop.  However, I got two codes for $150.  I felt like this was a pretty good deal, and I was able to give that code to my sister so she can learn with me!

I should preface anything further by stating that I am a dunce at second languages.  I managed to avoid them in high school by taking law, economics, keyboarding…anything at all to keep me away from it.  When I was attending a local college to get my basics for my degree, there was a requirement for a second language.  I took the first level of Spanish.  I was intimidated everyday and while I got an A overall, I disliked going to that class very much.  I also couldn\’t afford the text book, which I think cost more than the class itself, so as the young people say, the struggle was real.

When you get into your Rosetta Stone app it is easy to navigate. You pick a plan, and it sets you up for 5 days a week.  Once you get into your daily lessons, English is no more.  You listen to, read and speak your selected language only.  I feel like this helps you learn similar to how toddlers learn to speak a language.  They hear it in context with a visual, they see letters in context with a visual and they repeat things they hear.  Over time, they improve and before long, they are speaking.

My dad was a native French speaker, and I regret that I did not force him to teach me when I was young.  As an English only speaker (for now!), I struggle with gendered nouns.  My mind was blown when I started learning colors, but then the color changed in spelling if it described an object that was male versus female.  I struggle with some of the grammatical rules, like how to assign possession to something, and when and how to be formal.

However, my personal mental roadblocks aside, I find that Rosetta Stone is a fantastic learning tool.  I enjoy it, my time spent using it doesn\’t feel like work.  It requires me to do a lot of speaking and sometimes I am frustrated by how it doesn\’t recognize how hard I am trying, but I think this is a good way to perfect the pronunciation.  I would say I know a few hundred French words now and since I only knew two going in (oui and non), I would say I am off to a good start!

Home organization and de-cluttering blogs and vlogs are becoming increasingly popular.  As people become busier, their home lives become more disorganized and messy.  Popular TV shows like Netflix\’ \”Tidying Up with Marie Kondo\” and YouTube stars such as Mrs. Hinch have amassed huge followings by people who are eager to learn tips about cleaning and decluttering their living spaces.  Mrs. Hinch\’s followers even have a nickname – Hinchers!

I have no trouble with keeping my living space clean.  I am a neat freak, and inherently driven to organize.  I am not a minimalist, but I do embrace the less is more approach.  I have recently simplified my life from carrying a standard purse to carrying only a wallet sized clutch, and I recently donated several huge boxes of clothes to charity in an attempt to make my closet more practical.  I have no problem letting go.

But sometimes it is not our living spaces that need a cleaning up, it is our lives.  Our habits, our pastimes, our relationships.  What are we clinging to – perhaps out of sentimentality or out of unwillingness to face change – that is hindering us or holding us back?

In my ongoing quest for personal development I have been seeking feedback and reading books in an attempt to maximize my potential.  We all of us have only twenty-four hours in a day.  Some folks, like Richard Branson, seem to use these hours to maximum effect.  Others squander them in idle or unproductive pastimes.  I have been seeking ways to maximize mine.  Life is short.  What can I accomplish?  What can I give back?

I am reminded of the safety video from the airplane attendants, telling us that if cabin pressure drops oxygen masks will release for our use.  They always remind us, \”Please put on your own mask before helping others with theirs.\”  Why?  Because until we are in a safe and fit position to help others, we are not effective and only putting them and ourselves at risk.

So, I examine my life and realize there are habits and relationships that are indeed holding me back from giving back to others in a more meaningful way.  The types of habits or people who suck you dry of energy, who leave you tired but unaccomplished, that leave you feeling like no amount of invested energy will ever be enough to succeed.  And I am committed that even when difficult, these things must go.

Sometimes, whether it\’s cleaning my garage this week in order to set up my home gym, or in my personal life, it\’s just long overdue time for taking out the trash.

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I always run into a few pet peeves in January.  One is increased congestion of \”resolutioners\” in gyms and on the pathways where I get my miles.  These are the folks who get out there hard core at the start of January but by month end they have disappeared.  Another is the often repeated and rarely completed goals of people to lose weight, save money, or achieve other goals that they talk a big game about in January but by March have long been forgotten.

Worse are the people who, instead of making resolutions, make excuses.  They often go like this: I can\’t lose weight because of genetics/hormones/stress – it\’s never \”I can\’t lose weight because I eat fast food for lunch at least four days a week, I\’m fairly sedentary and I overeat at every meal.\”  Or: I can\’t save money because I don\’t make enough.  It\’s never \”I have poor spending habits and make bad financial choices and therefore I do not save money.\”  Or: I can\’t fulfill my personal goals to go to school/travel/write a book/learn a new skill because I don\’t have time.  It\’s never \”I cannot attain my personal goals because I am a poor time manager.\”

I would love to see 2019 be the year when we stop making excuses and start being honest with ourselves!

I\’ve often written about how in 2016, in a very short period of time, I gained quite a bit of weight.  And I immediately looked for an excuse.  Am I sick with some giant tumor?  Is my thyroid medication not working?  Is this related to my PCOS?  I was convinced that this couldn\’t be my own fault.  However, I am proud of myself that in a short period of time I recognized that my weight gain had been a combination of overeating and decreased physical activity.  Once I accepted my responsibility, I shed the weight fairly quickly.  This in spite of my hormonal imbalances.  Do I agree hormones make an impact on our health?  Yes.  But I also believe eating delicious Rasin\’ Cane\’s combo meals make more of an impact (go check out the calories in a 3 piece meal!).

Let\’s just be real.

I am not saying some people do not have legitimate problems with their health, finances or busy schedules.  I just think in far more cases than not, there are excuses being made about why someone cannot succeed rather than action being taken to ensure success.

Excuses are easy.  They are for the lazy.  They are for those without the self awareness and authenticity to say, \”I buy things on a whim and therefore end up living paycheck to paycheck!\”  I will say this, when my husband and I had a household income less than $30,000/year, we still maintained a small savings account.  At other times, when our household income was much higher, due to undisciplined choices, we chose not to save money, much to our regret.

We should all commit to dropping the excuses.  You don\’t want to commit to losing twenty pounds?  Awesome.  But don\’t sit there with a donut and tell people that obesity runs in the family. We don\’t owe anyone an explanation about our choices, but let\’s admit that they are just that: choices.

Let\’s own those choices.

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2019 is underway and on December 3 of this year, my Day Zero Project time will be up and I will calculate how many of my goals that I have achieved.  As a recap, this list tracks 101 goals you intend to accomplish in 1001 days (which is 2.75 years)   I feel like I set myself a very ambitious list of things to do and so far I have done well.  Some of the harder things I included on my list that I have completed:

• Paying off all my personal debt (which was a substantial amount)
• Finishing my graduate degree
• Doing a half marathon for 12 consecutive months
• Walking a full marathon distance
• Squat the weight of my body on a bar (I actually squatted 10lbs more than I weighed at the time!)