Lately, my husband has begun feeling like he is being called into ministry. He has been doing part time ministry in prison discipleship, working with inmates to know Jesus better. When he comes home, he is glowing. He was made for this. He loves sharing Jesus with these men, and seeing their faith grow in difficult circumstances.

My previous job was going to be my forever job. I was a remote sales rep for a large lab, it was (mostly) fun, and I was good at it. I wasn’t looking to leave.

I got an opportunity in a different industry (still remote, so my workplace still looks the same, with my same beagle coworkers), not in a sales role, but with a higher guaranteed salary. I left a boss who trusted me and walked into the unknown.

I was anxious. I was so unsure. Why would I leave a good thing that I knew I excelled at? In fact, when I left I was ranked number one in the country. And why, at a time, when my husband feels a tugging of change on his own life?

We prayed over this. We prayed that if this path was not for me that there’d be roadblocks. We prayed for wisdom in making decisions. But the job came with zero roadblocks, and with perfect provision. I was in turmoil over accepting the new role, and about giving notice to my old job. But once I committed I felt peace (fun fact, I dread commitment, a mortgage feels like a straight jacket to me).

My husband also feels peace. He says it brings him peace to know I am capable of bringing the financial security into our home that allows him to run his business without worry. And now, as he contemplates a future where he sells his business and pursues a different calling, I can go where he goes, I can feed us. And he can count on me.

My new job does a few things. It provides a higher guaranteed income, no uncertain commission. But more importantly I think, it teaches me that my security is in Jesus, not in my employer, my tenure, my seniority or how clever I think I am.

It is weird because I always sort of believed and hoped that my purpose would be a powerful, center stage role. That I’d be in charge of things. I’m smart, I went to grad school, I’m capable. But what if my purpose is the quiet and supportive wife at home, managing our finances, keeping the homefront secure and the bills quietly paid while my husband does important work for God?

My husband says he thinks it’s beautiful. And he loves that he can believe in me.

I read a great quote that said, “Want to know if some people are toxic? Say no and watch how they react.”

Boundaries are important. Growing up I remember my parents having boundaries with us as kids. Things we were, without question, not allowed to do. One was disrespectful behavior toward them.

Setting boundaries with others is critical for numerous reasons. One, it protects our physical space, our emotional space, our time, and our independence. Moreover and more importantly, it sets an expectation of respect. Others will not respect you if you cannot demonstrate self-respect.

Sometimes we get into habits where we allow others to cross boundary lines with us. And especially when this goes on for a length of time, it requires self-discipline to set and reinforce our boundaries. And once set, it often creates a scenario where those we are enforcing a boundary with to begin gaslighting and villainizing us.

It’s simple to begin setting boundaries but that doesn’t make it easy. In difficult, conflict ridden relationships its as simple as saying, “if we cannot communicate with respect then I won’t communicate at all.” With someone who is overbearing and being too nosy in your life its as easy as saying, “I appreciate your interest in my life however I will share details when I’m ready.” The key is being direct and being consistent. Repeat the message until it is clear you are serious. For me, as a non-hugger with people other than my husband and immediate family, I will say, “actually I’m not really comfortable with hugging but I’ll always take a high five.” Set the boundary. And don’t budge.

But frequently, as stated in the quote I started with, when we implement a boundary, those toxic folks in our life throw back their heads and howl. They turn that boundary around on you with accusations and arguments. They try to villainize you.

Even if you’ve never set a boundary, you can change this. You can change it today. You are entitled to grow. It’s also Biblical. Many times the Bible gives us brilliant and simple wisdom about how we interact with others. A humorous truth can be found in ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭25:17‬.

Boundary setting takes maturity, self-awareness and discipline. It is not the shrill freaking out at people in one of scenarios as they piss you off. It’s a deliberate, across the board, unwavering line you uphold in self-respect.

Set the boundary. Hold the line. Be consistent. And those in your life who cannot respect your boundaries maybe do not deserve that proximity to you.