We all have fictional characters that we have sort of fallen in love with even though they are not real. That is the whole point of a great movie, book or TV show – to create characters that seem real, that we can connect to personally, that represent something we can identify with on some level.

I can think of tons of characters in fiction that I adore. My favorite is when the creator of the character balances the good and the bad. No one is entirely good and even most bad people have some redeemable quality about them, which is why I love a good villain with a soft spot somewhere!

However, my all time favorite fictional character is one that I feel I have sort of grown up with. I became acquainted with her when I was a child and she was a child and I watched her grow and I feel like as I have grown she has grown with me. This character, of course, is Anne of Green Gables main character, Anne Shirley.

Anne was feisty without ever intending to be. She never wanted attention, but she couldn\’t escape being the focus of other people with her odd charms and stubborn and principled behavior. She was an introvert who dearly wanted the world to be better than it was, she lived by her ideals and she made other people\’s lives better just by being a part of it.

When I think of my favorite stories of Anne, I think of the little girl who raced across the snow covered acre to care for her best friend\’s little sister sick with the croup when no doctor was available. That even at her tender age, she hid her fear behind composure and reassurance. I think about her dreaming of going to college, the sacrifices she made to ensure she would pass the placement exams and her harrowing struggle with geometry, and yet her resolve to overcome. I think of the tenderness and love she felt for the people who adopted her and brought her into their home and that she had a fiercely loyal and passionate regard for them her whole life, even when they feared she had \”outgrown\” them.

In everything, Anne was thankful. She was thankful for the big moments where she graduated, got a prestigious position at a girl\’s college, and when she entered her first home as a bride. But she was thankful for everything. She was thankful for the trees on her walk home, for the bright moonlight over Green Gables, for the \”white way of delight\” and the apple blossoms outside of her window. One of her most famous lines is \”I am so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.\” She was perpetually grateful.

And it\’s funny because as I think of Anne I know she was sort of my hero growing up, this girl who really had nothing going for her but – taking no excuses – made her dreams come true. And in some ways I can relate to her relentless pursuit of the things she wanted the most, and her gradual acceptance and appreciation for the things she could not change. But in a lot of ways, I am also nothing like Anne, though I have long aspired to be.

But when one uses the Myers Briggs personality test as a resource, and they often analyze and categorize the traits of fictional characters for fun, one can see that Anne is an INFP.

And I realize my heart is just drawn to this personality type, though much different from mine, because my husband is also an INFP. He also has the sentimental, idealized world always in his sight, making the lives of those around him better just by being a part of it, being passionate in a quiet and unassuming way.

I am nearly thirty years older than I was the first time I read the Anne of Green Gables books, but I still think of Anne when things start going askew. And when I have a bad day I think of her wise words, \”Isn\’t it nice to think that tomorrow is a new day with no mistakes in it yet?\”

A dear friend and I were having an interesting discussion today about personal accountability, excuse making and societal responsibilities. She and I share a common idea that most people making excuses about their lives do have the wherewithal to make a better choice for themselves and take responsibility for their health, finances, personal relationships, etc. I believe we agree there are some who, through the mistreatment of others, have a more difficult time making positive life changes but even then they should make the changes they are able in order to improve their life.

I made a comment like, \”As a libertarian, if people want to piss away their life then that is their right to do so, but I object when their life choices begin to become a burden to others.\”

My friend disagreed with this, stating that people must do more with their lives than piss them away (these were our literal work choices) and that we have a moral obligation to the world to do more than just be a leech.

I agreed that we do have a moral obligation but that I don\’t believe we can really legislate morality. Those who try (prime example being the prohibition) usually results in an increase in underhanded behavior to achieve a personal end. Murder and theft, of course, are moral laws but they are also laws that protect the rights of others. The only laws I am in favor of are those that protect the rights of others.

But it left me thinking then, as people and as leaders, what do we do to rouse people to want to do better and more? How do we convince people to be contributors?

I take taxation as a model here. Some people feel we must be taxed in order to provide a safety net for those who are less fortunate. However you choose to view that, it cannot be viewed as charitability. Charity comes from the heart. You can take my money by law and give it to someone in need (and I argue that the government does the worst possible job of allocating resources so why would we ever trust them?), but that does not make me charitable. It makes me law abiding at best.

However, I also donate an average of 15% of my income to charity – namely because I don\’t trust the government to use what they take from my taxes to wisely and appropriately help those in need. I do this because I believe as stewards of this earth and children of God we are compelled by His love, and not by law or duty, to take care of other people and His creation. I give joyfully, and without a single hesitation about it, because I am so richly blessed with freedom and a way to make a living that I want to help others. And as what I believe counts as spiritual law put into action, the more I give the more blessed I seem to be.

But if my neighbor is a miser and never wants to give or help, what can I do? I oppose legislating this person to give, to help, to donate time or money or other resources to a cause to better the world. I can live my example day to day and he can choose to ignore it even still.

This is where I believe the power of leadership is most important. We need it in organizations, but we need it in our communities, our cities, in our extracurricular groups and in our nation. We need people with vision that inspire us to donate our time, help others, give generously and express kindness.

And I was about to state we don\’t have enough of this, but I realize I have had tons of positive influences in my life. My parents were both leaders to me at a young age. My dad was an extremely generous giver to charity, and my mom is as well as well as a volunteer of her time. My sister is a regular volunteer for several charities, and both my sisters sponsor children in poverty through Compassion International.

I have had teachers, pastors, and friends who inspire me every single day. There is one woman in my life who I happened to meet through my sister who, with her husband, has actually started her own nonprofit to help the homeless in Fort Worth and is an absolute role model as an individual who uses what she has to make a major positive impact on the world. When I think sometimes that \”people are the worst\” in terms of their behavior, if I think of her I realize how much hope there is in humanity.

And that is what we need. Because I will never believe we can legislate \”goodness\” or force morality. But I can point my finger at myself and say, \”What am I doing? What can I do better? Where can I do more? And is what I am doing inspiring others to do more and better?\”

As we edge ever closer to the Christmas season (next week is Thanksgiving, but I have had my tree up for over a week!), we talk about gifts. Giving and receiving gifts is always a huge topic at Christmastime; for some it is a matter of stress and for others it is a source of excitement.

I love giving gifts. Gifting is my favorite way to express love and I think I am fairly creative in some of my gift giving. I like to make people really feel like I thought about them during the process. And as Frasier tells his dad on a funny episode of Frasier, \”spontaneous gift giving is one of life\’s great pleasures!\”

However, it is not only physical gifts that we can give to one another. It puts me in mind of the quote below:

I love the phrase serve it to the world. I refer to these as our spiritual gifts, but however you refer to them, we are all born with a unique capacity to give back to others. To share with them our inherent gifts.

It is an interesting point of reflection for me because I feel like in certain ways my personality is totally at odds with my gift. As many who know me well know, I can be direct and abrasive, detached, unemotional, and my grim distaste for the undisciplined and excuse making people is well know.

So it is funny that my gift is to encourage. My desire to help others achieve their dreams and goals is so deeply rooted in me that when I am not permitted to do it I feel absolutely squelched. And even though occasionally my approach may come across a bit like tough love, it is indeed an act of love. Whether it is a friend, coworker, my own employee, someone else\’s employee, a team mate or a family member, I love to see someone rise above their own expectations and achieve great things.

Whether that thing is to lose weight, get in shape, save money, formulate a business plan, overhaul the status quo, write a book, whatever it is, I am oddly well equipped to get them organized, set up with a plan and encourage them. And the encouraging words are not lip service. When I invest myself in someone in this way, I believe in them. I believe in them so deeply that I cannot always articulate it into words. Their struggle is my struggle, their hope is my hope and their success is my sheer delight.

It may not always come across this way when I can assume as somewhat militant posture when people make excuses. I have no time for excuses. We get one life, we get one chance to live our dreams and give back to the world. Life is not meant for baby steps or excuses. The time is now. I can be rather unforgiving in this regard!

But once we get past excuses, I am in. You tell me your dream, and now it is my dream for you to achieve it. And I can happily invest hours in the research and development stage of this knowing that at some point it will pay off. I take so much joy in a life well lived!

I encourage everything to take inventory of their unique gifts. What burns inside of you to give? What thing builds within you a source of relentless passion and energy? What are you capable of giving to the world around you that is unique to you? The world needs that, and there is no better time than now to share it!

There is an episode of Frasier where Roz has a visit from her younger cousin. After a few nights of drinking and partying, Roz is tired and looking for a night in. Her cousin accuses Roz of being like an aunt of theirs, implying that Roz has gotten \”old.\” In a chain of funny events, one of the callers on Frasier\’s radio show complains about not wanting to settle down, even though he is in his late forties.

At this point, Roz chimes in telling the caller to \”grow the hell up!\”

She then goes on to say, \”I\’m thirty-eight. And I feel thirty-eight. Now, I know we are all supposed to act like perpetual teenagers these days, but you know what? I like acting my age. I like being a mom. I like having a career. And I like balancing my checkbook. When did it become such a bad thing to be an adult?\”

I find that this resonates with me.

Now, it was not three days ago that my husband told me that I am most known for my \”excess of whimsy.\” And I know I am seen as cheerful, fun and sometimes impish. But this goes along with the fact that I am also widely known for being sensible, confident and dependable.

I am thirty-six. And I feel thirty-six. And I mean that in every possible positive way. When I think of myself between the ages of 17 to 19, those years as a teen when you are pretty much grown up but not really, I would never, ever go back to those days.

I would not exchange the mature sense of self confidence I have now for the uncertainty I felt at eighteen. I would not trade the sense of purpose and passion for life I have now for the impetuous and reckless (often thoughtless) decision making I had at nineteen. At the age of seventeen I liked to believe I didn\’t really care what people thought of me, but at thirty-six I actually have the freedom that comes with not caring and not being interested in conforming to a style, type, norm or expectation of someone else.

In the 18 years that have passed since my eighteenth birthday I have hit roadblocks, solved dilemmas, encountered loss, dealt with disappointment and triumphed over challenge in so many ways that have shaped who I am today. Yes, I have quite a bit of grey hair, but I also have a savings account. Yes, I have developed arthritis in my hands and knees, but I have also developed a professional career and level of success that can only come with time. Yes, some days I feel the weight of my responsibility and bills, but I also feel my accumulated potential to help others.

I am a grown woman. I have accomplished things. I have built a life. I have hit a point where I am comfortable being myself wherever I am – at home, at work, in my social life.

Today – even more so I think than back when Roz went on her rant – we have adults trying desperately to cling to a teenage lifestyle. And it is sort of pathetic and sad to see these near middle aged or past middle aged people trying to behave like a teenager. 

It brings to mind a different Frasier quote from another episode, where Niles has been running around with a young, wild waitress and we see him partying and wearing head to toe leather (yikes). And he finally comes clean to Frasier and says, \”She\’s killing me. I\’m just not cut out for this lifestyle…catching my reflection in the store window this morning as I rollerbladed past in spandex, I feel like I\’m being stalked by some pathetic, middle-aged ghoul.\”

That is how it looks from the outside when we try to go back. We can\’t go back. We can only go forward, and we should do so with the pride and confidence that we have earned, that can only be earned over time.

Following on the theme of health and wellness from my last post, I have also been reading and learning more about optimal fitness, how to work and rest the body, build strength, and increase cardiovascular health.

In my reading I came across a piece of advice that I had never thought of before but which actually makes perfect sense. Physical activity or exercise should not be viewed as a punishment we do to ourselves to \”atone\” for overeating or making \”bad\” food choices. Exercise should not be viewed as a punishment we inflict upon our bodies.

Exercise is a celebration of what the body can do.

It is perfect and makes sense and I think subconsciously I have lived that advice without really reflecting upon it.

If I have a day where I go out to my favorite restaurant and get queso-wasted at lunch (a rare but wonderful pleasure of mine), how does it serve my body in any way to stress, feel guilty, overdo cardio and deprive myself of my next meal?

It does nothing!

Instead, I have always subconsciously felt like after a \”bad\” meal like this that I need a little extra self care. Perhaps some extra veggies with dinner. Perhaps a bit of extra water throughout the day. Perhaps taking a preemptive Tums before bed because I know eating like that kills my acid reflux!

If I go nuts on Mexican food and eat 1200 calories at lunch, pushing myself on the treadmill for an extra several miles doesn\’t even come close to making it up. Better to smile, say I enjoyed it and resume my normal, healthy lifestyle of eating well and being active.

Working out should not be a punishment. I do cardio because it is my escape from the world – I put on some music, close my eyes and churn out a few miles on the elliptical and enjoy the sweat and the fatigue after. I lift weights to strengthen and shape my body, and I love the accomplished feeling I get when I am able to lift heavier than I could before, when my little biceps start to grow, when I can feel my body slowly changing shape.

These are moments to celebrate. The human body – even mine! – is capable, strong and resilient. Maybe we don\’t all have the same goals and therefore we may not all be on the same path in our journey. But we should all use exercise as a celebration of our bodies and a reward for what they can do!

Most people who know me know that I started tracking my calories daily back in August of 2016. I had put on quite a bit of weight that year and to keep a long story short, after being convinced I must have a twenty pound tumor inside of me, after 16 weeks of consistent tracking and staying in a deficit I was down almost thirty pounds. Turns out, the fault was mine!

In the three years since I have kept most of that weight off. This year I gained a few pounds back almost certainly due to sloppy tracking. A bite here, a lick here, a taste there, and I put about seven pounds back on. In the last 5 weeks I have tightened up the process and I am now down 10lbs, easily and without having to work out any more often – in fact, I may actually be logging fewer active minutes a week.

I have been told that it is \”excessive\” to count calories – that it is a pain in the butt, too time consuming, too difficult, in short just \”too much.\” But the only thing that is really \”too much\” is how many calories Americans are consuming.

According to the CDC, 71% of adults over the age of 20 are considered overweight or obese. This of course leads to a rise in chronic diseases, health care costs, and in general just a decreased quality of life. This is excessive.

The fact remains that the basics of weight management (and notice here that I said weight management and not health or fitness improvement) rely on understanding your daily caloric needs and managing accordingly. This study indicates that 71% of Americans should be aiming for a caloric deficit.

Tracking is not hard. I can understand if we lacked technology, if tracking calories or macros was  down to a pencil and paper, toting notes around all day keeping a tally. But too many apps exist to make this easy. The technology is in our phones everyday if we choose to use it.

After seeing me fairly easily get back on the bandwagon and lose not only excess pounds I gained but seeing my approval body fat percentage steadily decline, my husband has joined the MyFitnessPal app success stories in weight loss through calorie tracking. He has been a bit of a case study to me these past two weeks as he is totally new to this and yet is already seeing results.

Let me tell you about my husband. He is the ultimate type B personality. Unlike me, he does not strive for organization, data management, written goal charting, checking things off a list. He is essentially winging it through each day on his sense of humor and charm! My husband can have 15,000 unread email in his personal email and dozens of unread phone notifications, his notification bar is always cluttered to death. This is not a man who was yearning for a new way to organize his life.

However, he downloaded the MyFitnessPal app and set his goals (including a macros breakdown) and got started. That was two weeks ago today. I have asked him repeatedly if tracking his calories is hard for him, too time consuming, too excessive for his way of life. He has responded that it is not. His primary focus is on staying in a caloric deficit (which he says it no problem at all), and his second focus is trying to increase his protein intake. Two weeks in, he has seen his weight go down every time he has stepped on the scale. He seems motivated. I see him making better choices without any prompting. I can see him almost budgeting himself, realizing that some things are just not worth the calories they will \”cost\” him for his day. He still eats things he loves, but he eats very mindfully.

If my type B husband can master this in two weeks this then it is not time consuming or excessive. He said he spends maybe only a few minutes of his entire day logging food – which is consistent with what I have also found over the last 3 years.

People scoff at me when they see me measuring my food and tracking it in my app, they have for years. And I admit that tracking calories is not for everyone. But for the 71% of Americans who are overweight or obese it is an easy start to taking control of their health and their lives. The apps are free, and with barcode scanners and restaurants sharing nutritional information on their menus it is super easy to comply. It is the foundation to a healthier life, a reduction in risk for chronic illnesses, and a decrease in the burden we are all paying for health care.

Note: I have found it helpful on social media to follow and subscribe to other people who do this as part of their life and who are very expert. It not only makes it seems more normal, but it also provides tons of tips for maximizing caloric intake, feeling full and being healthful!

As anyone who has read some of my previous posts will remember, back in March 2017 I signed up at DayZeroProject to create a \”101 Things to do in 1001 Days\” list. The mission of this website is to be an \”online community for people who love creating lists, setting challenges, and making positive changes in their lives.\”

If that sums up any person, it is me!

I used this list to serve two ultimate purposes in terms of helping me grow and get out of my comfort zone.

1. I set really challenging goals in some areas that are truly important to me (finishing my master\’s degree, maintaining and expanding my fitness level, achieving goals within my career and finances) in order to keep me accountable to those ideals and push toward them.
2. I set some fun goals that are sort of out of the box for me to try new things, be lighthearted and expand my horizons (learning new recipes, completing my genealogy, taking a painting class, going to museums and celebrating milestones).

I have one month left to finish this list before it expires on December 3rd, and I am impressed and proud of the progress I have made. I have successfully already completed 79 of these goals 3 are in progress and a few marked as failed. For the each failed item I will be donating $10 to charity. At this point I have 13 failed items but we will see as the next month closes out if I will have a few more to fail out.

I have found using this website to be so fun and helpful! Because of this list I have achieved things I have always dreamed of doing and done some incredibly hard things (finished my master\’s degree and walked a full marathon – 26.2 miles). I have also created new traditions, become an American citizen, hit achievements in video games, read and listened to tons of new books, and literally published my own poetry books!

I am excited that come January 1, 2020, I am kicking off a new list! I like to think this is sort of taking it to the next level, marking off some things that I want to have achieved or have in place before my 40th birthday (which will be in the spring of 2023, just after this next list expires).

We are about to kick off a new decade – I like to think of this as my own person Roaring Twenties (hopefully without a great depression to follow!) – and I encourage anyone to use this free website to create a list and make the 2020\’s the decade where you achieve big things, turn dreams into reality and expand your horizons!

For laughs, here are some things I have included in my next list:

• Write another book of poetry
• Blog at least once a week for a full year (look out!)
• Do a half marathon at Disneyland
• Read 40 new books
• Celebrate my 15th wedding anniversary
• Get a selfie with a famous person!
• Pose with the Rocky Statue in Philly
• Take belly dancing lessons
• Buy a piece of art from the artist
• Go to my 200th BodyPump class since starting back
• Make it into the top 10% at work

It is crazy that this didn\’t occur to me until very recently, but in two months, we are closing out a decade. When we look back we think of the 80\’s or 90\’s or 00\’s nostalgically, remembering the iconic moments in both society and our personal lives that really marked that decade.

As we roll into the 20\’s, I cannot believe how far I have come in these last ten years (the 10\’s? It sounds weird). Going into 2010, I had been living in my current house for less than a year, had held my green card for less than a year. I think 2010 or 2011 was when I first joined the gym where I started taking cardio dance and then Body Pump. 2011 was the last time I visited my hometown.

In 2012 I got promoted into my first leadership role. I enrolled in university to finish my bachelor\’s degree. 2012 was the year we made the final decision not to further pursue efforts to become pregnant and accepted our situation (to which I am very thankful!).

In 2013, I turned 30 and I feel like that is when I really sunk into who I am as a person. 2013 and 2014 saw me grow professionally, and my social circle began to really expand for the first time since living here.

In 2015, I graduated with my bachelor\’s degree. That was also the year my sister and mom and I started running races. We started initially to earn points for a program with work, but by the end of that year I had done 22 races, including 2 half marathons!

In 2016 we lost my dad. And while all along there was peace about it that can only be the grace of God, it is surreal at times to think he has been gone this long. Losing my dad was a turning point I think for me personally as I really started to stop focusing on what isn\’t important. Life is short. What is the legacy I want to leave? What do I want to achieve? What is my purpose? Anything else that is superfluous and contradictory to those things can go.

In 2017 I published two books of poetry, a lifelong goal of mine and something for which I will always be tremendously proud.

2018 was a huge year for me, I got a large promotion right before completing my master\’s degree. My childhood friends came from Canada to celebrate my 35th birthday with me. I paid off all my debts and proved to myself that I could financially sustain a household by myself. I went on a sister trip to Disneyland with my sisters!

I feel like 2019, right from the start, has been a year to set me up for positive change and new things. I have made new friends and deepened old friendships. I have taken a new position at work that I absolutely love and I am excited to grow into. I have taken on new hobbies and new lifestyle changes, and yet while I persevere toward my goals, sometimes I just look around my home at my cozy life, my dogs and my husband and think that I am so lucky to be living in this moment.

My plan is to end this decade with a bang; health and weather permitting I will be ending the year running my 8th half marathon. Something I would never have dreamed of doing ten years ago. But I am not running from my problems. Not at all! I am running into a new decade, a far stronger woman than I was before, eager and ready to face what the new decade has in store.

What are you doing to close out this decade?

I recently watched a video online from a health coach that reiterated some good advice that my husband has given me over the years. He basically stated that time is going to pass whether you use it wisely or not. We will wake up six months from now and either have made progress or not, but the time will pass either way.

My husband basically said the same thing when I was deciding whether to pursue my master\’s degree. I said, \”But I will be turning 35 before I finish it.\” And he said, \”You\’ll turn 35 with or without the degree. The time will pass. Do you want it?\”

That made it easy.

In six months from today it will be April 25th. Spring will be in full swing. Perhaps by then you\’ll have had a birthday. A new decade will be upon us. What are your goals?

If you save $250/month for 6 months, you\’ll have $1500.

If you lose 1 pound a week for 6 months, you\’ll lose roughly 24 pounds.

They say with proper discipline, certain languages can be learned conversationally within 6 months.

If you\’re looking to go back to school, by April you could be several credits into a new program.

A new habit you start today will be a lifestyle in 6 months.

What might six months of investment do for you and your goals?

People say \”I\’ll get back on track on Monday.\” Or that they will start next year. But why wait? 28% of our lives in the weekends and there are 66 days left in this year to accomplish something important to you.

So many people stress over the goals they have not achieved. Everyone has a day one. Everyone has a day they started in their journey. Stop making excuses about someday and make today your day one. Come April 25th, you\’ll be so glad you did.

It is no secret that people can often be stunningly disappointing. When you think about working in groups at either school or work, you often think about people letting you down, not pulling their weight, not collaborating well, or not finishing in a timely manner.

Not to be a pessimist, but this is simply the experience many of us have faced when working in teams with people.

When I think of people trying to do something in cohesion where chaos ultimately ensues, I can always use two illustrations.

The first is traffic. If there is a car burning on the side of the road, or an accident, or any other situation out of the ordinary, normal people in traffic become erratic, unreliable and unreasonable. The thing you can almost certainly depend on is that someone will take their eyes off what they are doing, get distracted, and cause another accident.

The second example is people lining up for food. I think of work functions, a line forms, becomes disorderly, there is impatience, there is mess, there is often a lot of noise (and surprisingly when the food is free, a lot of complaining).

But sports somehow brings out this magical side of people where they trust each other, collaborate and elevate one another. I made mention of this the other night watching a World Series game between the Astros and the Nationals.

Someone catches a ball in the outfield. They pivot and without taking even a second to assess, they throw it to someone who they obviously trust will be there and be prepared. That person was, catches the ball and throws it onward. This is done in perfect sequence, no words exchanged, no double checking to make sure their counterpart was where they needed to be.

I recognize that they practice this over and over again, but I go to work every day of my life and meet with the same people over and over again and we are not that in sync with one another. We do not trust that our counterparts are going to be there when we pivot. We will send an email and follow up with a call if we need to ensure that something important will get done. We don\’t naturally incline ourselves toward collaboration, we do not naturally trust that those who work with us will do the right thing.

And not to say that it is always this way in sports either (obviously, sometimes you see quite a scrap break out among players at times), but so often you see this perfectly in sync, trusting harmony of cooperation toward success that is unfortunately missing from our everyday lives. You see an entire team celebrate the successful collaboration of two people (quarterback and wide receiver) because they recognize that the success of the team matters to them as individuals. At work, I see two people give a presentation, one churlish that the other is getting more than their share of the praise.

I\’ve written about this before, but there is so much to be learned about leadership and team dynamics by watching sports. Is it because there is so much money at stake for them? Perhaps. But do the leaders in our own organizations not support their families on the money they are making, and is that not plenty at stake? Do we as individuals, leaders or not, require our incomes and therefore possess a significant reason to be good team players?

When I watch sports, I am obviously getting a release for my competitive nature, but I am also getting a chance to see leadership, collaboration, unity and team vision carried out in a way that usually (not always) gives me hope about people. That if we could just create that same sense of unity and vision within our own teams, we could create a cohesive dynamic where people put aside their differences and trusted each other with action and celebrated one another\’s success.