I thought given the fact that I just finished my 6th (holy crap, seriously, 6th?!) week of isolation, I needed to write about something a little lighter!

I met my first boyfriend at a skating rink where I used to figure skate poorly and play hockey a little bit better (I was a goalie, less skating is required!). I was young and he was a little bit older. I knew him for a full year before we started \”flirting\” – such as it is when you are young – and I remember when I first met him thinking how cute he was with his blonde hair that curled just a bit over his forehead. And yet years later when we parted ways, looking back, somehow all of it seems less cute to me!

I don\’t think back on him with wistfulness or any regrets but rather with a very thankful heart that my first foray into the romantic was with such a kind, respectful and sweet person. There is no doubt, my first boyfriend set the tone for future men in my life, and set an expectation for me that men would be kind and respectful. Turns out, that isn\’t always the case but I am glad that I had a role model in my past to remind me what I should expect.

My parents didn\’t dislike him, but given the situation and our age difference my parents were not pleased exactly. I remember my dad once telling me that they didn\’t want to take prohibitive measures against my relationship with him because I would defy it – and sure enough that did prove to be the case when it came to that. And in retrospect I can realize that of course my parents would have been skeptical about my behavior or my intentions because if I had a fifteen year old daughter now I would surely be at least a little skeptical, too!

However, my parents were not only just worried that I\’d end up pregnant and alone, I don\’t think. I think they worried that I would settle before I had a chance to see what the world held for me. Looking back, I don\’t think they could have asked for a better first boyfriend for me either. Because, not only did he never pressure me physically (as my childhood best friend and I used to say, we would never \”unshackle\” for the wrong man or too soon!), he also did not want to do anything that would smother my potential for the future.

My first boyfriend really did believe in me, he believed I would grow up to achieve great things and he never wanted to be the thing that stood in the way of that. And even after our defiance to be together, we recognized as we got older that we were growing in different directions. And when the time came, we split apart in such a peaceful, affectionate way that is really set a false expectation of what future breakups would be like for sure!

He always had his own interests and passions. I was part of his life but I really appreciated even at a young age that he had other things in his life than me and I grew up wanting and respecting that my partner would have their own pursuits outside of me. It is healthy. He never made me responsible for his happiness, nor did he try to be responsible for mine which I think was so important.

He was also extremely dependable and emotionally stable. Despite our youth, looking back even now, my trust in him was well placed. He made a point of actively caring for me, being kind, being consistent. He set an expectation in me that this was the bare minimum in relationships – and so it was staggering in the years to come to find out not every man is like this. But it reminded me that it is is possible, and that I am worthy of it, and kept me searching for something that matched my expectations.

Even after we broke up, for a short time (until I moved to Texas) we kept in touch and occasionally would meet for an ice cream or something to just catch up. And as always he was kind, never snide or disrespectful at all. The aftermath of our youthful romance proved that all of his kindness and respectfulness was very genuine.

I believe he went on to marry, run his own business and have a handful of daughters and never lost his passion for the things in life that he loved and I am glad that we both moved on to things that were better for us. I rarely think about him, but I believe that first influence he had on me set an expectation within me that I carry to this day.

However, when I do think of him, I almost always think of the first time he kissed me. It was Christmas time and I was not expecting it at all (I had a huge piece of candy cane in my mouth!). We sort of stood there awkwardly after and then he said, \”One more for the road\” and kissed me again. And I just think it was such a dorky thing to do and every time I hear that phrase I always laugh and remember him.

The saying goes that the secret to being happy is having something to do, something to look forward to and someone to love. While simplistic, I find this mostly to be true for me as when I am occupied my hands and my mind keep from being idle. And it\’s true that loving someone is the greatest pleasure you can have. But lately, it\’s that last one that we struggle with, as everything in the world seems put on hold right now.

I almost regret that I will never have grandchildren, so that in years to come I could sit with them and tell them about the Great Quarantine of 2020 – when somehow in a synchronized effort, everyone everywhere agreed we need to all stay home. Where we couldn\’t even get a haircut, couldn\’t see our family members, and where the store shelves remained bare of many essentials. Where we looked in curiosity and disgust at those going out without masks in the more affected areas. Even writing this, it blows my mind that this is the situation.

But as I sit here I remind myself that this will indeed pass, and when it does, the world will come alive again. I told my husband recently, \”I think when this is over I will become an extrovert. My introverted self has been fully satisfied. I have had my peace and quiet. I am ready to meet everyone on earth!\”

So for me it does help to think about and look forward to the things I am going to do when the world opens up to us again – after I get a haircut, that is, because that is priority number one right now!

I want to go out and eat my entire body weight in sushi. I haven\’t had sushi in two months, and while I haven\’t even checked to see if the local sushi restaurants are still delivering, I just feel perhaps that uncooked fish is a bad choice with a virus lurking about. But I am craving some sushi badly and I hope that is my first outing!

I want to be with my family. I have seen one of my sisters once and my mom briefly twice since this began, all with a purposeful intent and in a short meeting. While I communicate regularly with my family via text, it isn\’t the same. One of my sisters is midway through her pregnancy now and I am very sad that I cannot see her and be with her more during this time! I have always been close to my family and with the exception of the two years where I lived a few hundred miles away, I have always seen them on a fairly regular basis – and for a long time my sisters and mom and I all worked in the same building and had lunch together everyday! It is hard to know they are just a few minutes down the road and I am not seeing them.

I want to go on a trip. Many trips. I want to see America, and then I want to see the world. I want to have solo trips, and I want to go with my sisters. I want to meet my best friend in a new city and explore. I want to meet people (which I am sure I\’ve never said that before!) and enjoy people in nearby company (though I\’ll probably never enjoy people snuggling up on me in public!).

I\’d like to take some lessons on my guitar and in the past I have always been shy about both doing that and committing to do that, but I don\’t want to go forward being shy about things.

I hope I never again take for granted the freedom to grocery shop freely and with ease. Or the ability to get in an Uber without wondering if we are going to contaminate one another. I look forward to giving my husband a kiss when he leaves for work – because in the past month we have even isolated a bit within reason at home because of where he works and my underlying issue with asthma. I honestly cannot wait to get back to the gym and back to BODYPUMP and the amazing energy in those classes.

I hope I spend my time in isolation well and so far I think I have done that. But I have hope in the things I have to look forward to when this is over!

By now nearly all of us are experiencing some level of restriction in our lives due to the corona virus. Some states are recommending people stay at home as much as possible, whereas others have very strict rules in place about going out in public. Here in north Texas, our \”shelter in place\” restrictions have been extended until May 20th. That was hard news to hear.

However, this is the situation and I can get frustrated or I can choose to find ways to make this manageable for me, not only so I don\’t lose my mind but so these 2+ months of my life are not wasted. I don\’t want to zone out in front of the TV for the duration of this and come out with nothing to show for it.

So, I wanted to share some of the things I am doing to ensure that my life in quarantine is as meaningful as possible.

The first thing is that I am waking up to work at a normal time for me, which is between 5 and 6am. I wake up, have my breakfast, wash and dry my hair and style it and while I don\’t \”get dressed up\” to work from home, I put on clothes and try to avoid anything that is too much like what I could slide right back into bed wearing! I feel like this makes me feel like I am going to work as normal (I work from home as a general rule anyway), but this allows me to be presentable and if required to get on a video conference call, I can quickly slip on a sweater or some other top that I would normally wear to the office.

This brings me to another thing I have found I enjoy: video chatting. I have done this a little with some friends and my sister and I feel like it prevents me from feeling overly isolated. When you video chat, you can get that somewhat better connection than over a phone call – you see their eyes, their expressions and even their surroundings. I enjoyed chatting with my sister the other day and getting to see her growing baby bump on video!

I also work out everyday as normal, and if anything my fitness level has only increased. Yes, I am fortunate to have a fully equipped home gym in my garage, however, home workouts can easily be achieved if you\’re serious about it. Body weight workouts can be super effective, as can resistance bands (which you can still order on Amazon), and dumbbell workouts as well (also orderable). Take some of these and put them into a high intensity circuit and you also have your cardio exercise if you\’re not able to run outside.

I try to cook the meals we normally eat. We have always mostly cooked at home so I cannot relate to the people who say they feel like they\’ve cooked 300 meals already this month. I cook lunch and dinner every single day so that hasn\’t changed. However, I have done my best to keep the food as normal, that way when we sit down to eat there is nothing weird or lacking in it. Getting groceries has been a bit more challenging, however, in this case the early bird truly does get the worm. You gotta wake up early but it can be done!

I am putting additional passion and effort into my hobbies. I have been writing more, and doing more French lessons. I am hoping to be able to do video guitar lessons as well (especially now that they have extended the dates on this). If I emerge from this next month with some decent writing and greater proficiency in French I believe I will feel this was time well spent.

I also feel that it helps to stay focused on other people more than myself. Yes, I have hardly left my house more than two or three times in a full month and I am getting a little stir crazy. However, my mom and brother-in-law are literally on the front lines of this working in health care and are potentially putting themselves into harm\’s way. My husband has had no change to his work life either, working each day at the airport where heaven only knows what he is coming into contact with. There are homeless people all over this city and country who are not able to shelter in place in such comfort as I am – I saw a photo of homeless people sheltering in place 6 feet from one another in a parking lot and that made me so sad. Millions of people are losing their jobs, small businesses and even larger ones are folding under the pressure of this, and some people don\’t know how they will pay their bills. There are people out there with huge problems right now.

So I try to keep my life as normal and happy as possible, and remember every moment that I am so incredibly blessed.

I would not be where I am in my career without my mother. No other person has invested themselves into my success the way that she has. Her encouragement, feedback, tough love, pep talks and faith in my abilities has absolutely gotten me where I am today. For everything I have achieved she deserves a little of that credit.

(I\’d add here that my mother\’s general influence on my life has been significant. She is an amazing leader, a workhorse, a powerhouse of energy, a beacon of integrity, and has set a tremendous example for me in so many ways by just watching her. However, she personal investment in my career as an encouraging force has only added to all of the above.)

I would not have achieved what I did in my academic endeavors without that teacher from my old high school in Edmonton. She took me aside and took a personal interest in me and told me not only that she could help me overcome my struggles in math but turn me into a confident student. She invested time and encouraging words into me, and I went on to essentially dominate every math class in my nine years of university – and not only that, she built within me a confidence about my potential that I don\’t think I ever would have found without her.

My best friend and my sisters were very encouraging of me when I was writing and compiling the poetry for my books. They proofread and offered feedback, made suggestions, inspired me with ideas, and when the books were out they read them (my one sister read my book outloud to her husband!). There are few things in this world I am as proud of as my books, and I don\’t know if I would have had them come out so well without the support I received.

And in my fitness journey (which has literally been ongoing for over fifteen years), I have had many cheerleaders. My sister is one, who has literally hung back to run half marathons with me so I would have her support throughout. I have friends, especially some really strong women in my life, who have pushed and encouraged me to embrace both my strength and femininity. I have had men (including my brother) encourage me about my strength and my general fitness in a way that has made me push harder.

I have always been a \”goal getter\” as I like to say, and I can hardly think of a time that I made up my mind to do something and I didn\’t succeed. But in every instance, I was encouraged by someone who took an interest in me. My successes are very much a credit to them.

And perhaps it is a weakness to admit it, but I am always keenly aware of the people who skip over the opportunity to encourage me. The ones who like when I post pictures of my dogs on social media but refuse to encourage or like the photos of my fitness journey, or my professional achievements. I have made it my purpose to encourage the people in my circle to push toward their goals and dreams, even if those dreams don\’t make any sense to me. I will never be the one to extinguish someone\’s fire. There is so much negativity in the world, so much hate, so much indifference, and I will always be someone who makes the investment – and I cherish the people in my life who have made that investment in me.

Back when I was twenty-two years old, I was going through a tough time.

I was at that time truthfully an illegal resident of this country. My visa had expired and I had no pretext for extending it. Because of this, I was permitted neither to work nor finish my degree. I was engaged to my husband who I saw only once every six weeks and spoke to sometimes for less than thirty minutes a day. I was doing every odd job imaginable to make ends meet from cleaning homes and businesses, to nannying children to pet sitting and taking care of the elderly. Seven days a week, I never took a break, I had no option but to take every opportunity that came along.

And not all of those opportunities were pleasant. Once, as a housekeeper, I cleaned human shit out of the shower and picked up used tampons off the floor. I well know the lack of disrespect people have for the cleaning lady! I\’ve completely gutted out the houses of people who had died or needed to move, organized estate sales, painted houses, cleaned garages, and more.

I was tired. Not just physically, I was mentally sick and tired of being extremely underpaid for the hard work that I was doing, and for the general lack of respect and appreciation people have for their hired help. And I was beginning to develop a real attitude about all of this.

I remember being irritable, not just to the point where other people found me unpleasant, but I couldn\’t stand myself. I woke up angry, went resentfully through my day, and tucked myself in at night with a scowl and very little to show for my effort.

I distinctly remember one evening sitting at my desk at home, in a rare moment of free time, trying to write but just burning on the inside. And in a defining moment I realized I couldn\’t stand myself any more. I would go crazy if I went on any longer with my attitude. No, there wasn\’t a whole lot I could do about my circumstances. But I was overlooking some of the things I should have been grateful for as well.

For one thing, moving to the United States had long been a dream of mine growing up, and that dream had come true. Yes, I was burning the candle at both ends some days, getting paid a pittance to do menial chores, but I was at least doing it here. Secondly, I was hardly in this alone. By this point my oldest sister (three years younger) was in the midst of these same struggles, trying to find a way to pay tuition and working every job on which she could grasp. And in that I had a built in best friend in the same shoes as me.

Most importantly, I thought to myself in that moment, my youthful confidence and ambition showing it\’s face for a moment, that these times of trial were shaping me into something formidable. I was growing up to be a hard working, resourceful woman who could manage a very slim income and save money on a shoestring (as the saying goes) while working tirelessly. And while my pride in some moments was taking a real beating (please insert here a vision of me cleaning human shit out of the shower), my sense of self-worth was not. I was growing into a woman that anyone would be proud some day to call their daughter or wife or friend.

This was a turning point for me, one of those pivotal moments of life that I can look back on and say \”that was the day.\” The day when I realized my happiness, my internal joy, should not be defined in any way by my circumstances. I realized that I couldn\’t control my situation but I could control my attitude.

I remember writing a poem that night, taking responsibility for my attitude problem and committing to changing my outlook. And nothing at all about my circumstances changed at all. I continued doing the same work and bearing the same burdens for another full year and then some. But I can say that never again since then, no matter my burdens or trials or problems, have I ever gotten into a funk like that. Not when I was working full time and in grad school, not when I was dealing with the death of my father, not when I have had significant struggles at work.

That was the day I decided to take responsibility for my attitude, and Charles Swindoll is not wrong when he says attitude is 90% of everything. And I\’ve always since had that quote hanging at my desk.

I\’ve written before about the \”great adventure\” of my childhood, where my parents quit their jobs, rented out the house and bought a second hand motor home and for eighteen months we traveled extensively throughout North America. I was four years old when we left and turned six just after we arrived back home in Canada.

During this impressionable time of my life, when many other kids are in pre-K and kindergarten, I was living a wild gypsy adventure. I remember chasing the waves in Oregon with my dad at night. I remember the Arizona sunsets. I learned to ride my first bike alongside the Rio Grande river in Texas. And yes, my parents were teaching me the fundamentals of education, I was learning to read, but I was learning so much more than that.

Even now, over thirty years later, I am left with a lesson from that experience in my life that will always stick with me and that is that success and happiness look different to everyone.

It\’s easy to look at society and think that success is defined as a bigger house, a better car, a better job title and a bigger bank account. And for some people, maybe that is it.

But when I was a little girl I saw people for whom success and happiness was living free. It was living without the bondage of a mortgage. It was chasing the next adventure. It was playing music by the campfire. People who hitchhiked the country. Or in some cases, people who headed south for every winter. People from extremely diverse backgrounds and we had all come together to share in this experience.

I had two Christmases as a child without a normal Christmas tree. One year, in a campsite in Arizona, we decorated a creosote bush outside our motorhome with little homemade decorations. It was unconventional. It was fun. It was always happy even when it was unpredictable. But then again, that was my family and those were my parents.

So, here I am now in my late thirties and I have an extremely open minded idea about what success looks like. I don\’t worry about how something will look on my resume. I don\’t worry about whether my job title makes me sound worthy. I love my job, I love my work life balance, I love that I never worry about those things! When my husband called to tell me that he was laid off from the job that he hated and was overworked at, I replied with, \”Congratulations! We have a new adventure ahead!\”

I don\’t think about my parents as shiftless people. They were married for 35 years. My mom has worked in the same industry for well over thirty years. They were responsible people. But they didn\’t turn down adventure. And years later after that first adventure, when my mom got a job offer in America, my parents embraced it. They could have found a million reasons why they shouldn\’t do it. They had 3 school age kids and a college student living at home. My mom was 43 and my dad was 55 – many would say at that age it\’s too risky. My dad had significant health concerns. It meant leaving everything we\’d ever known for the complete unknown. It meant they could fail and have to come back. But they did it anyway.

And more than anything, I love that my parents always instilled in me that unconventional sense of grasping life fully, really breathing it in, taking those chances, always being willing to try, and not being afraid of what could go wrong.

I define my success instead now by my heartfelt happiness, my sense of self worth, and the passion I have for life. And no corporation, economic downturn, misfortune or even another person can take that away from me.

Twice in the last two weeks I have somehow ended up in conversations with Uber drivers about how I buy all my clothes second hand. Sometimes new with tags, but at steeply discounted prices. This has been a huge cost savings to me while permitting me to have seriously one of the largest personal wardrobes you can imagine (I could wear a different outfit everyday for a year…at least!).

I buy almost all of my clothes on eBay. Anything that is \”safe\” to buy and wash second hand I try to find used rather than pay retail price. My favorite eBay buy are sheath dresses for work. I have tons of them (no less than 40) and I paid a fraction of retail.

Almost all of my workout clothes, brand names like Under Armour leggings and Victoria\’s Secret sports bras, many in absolutely brand new condition, bought second hand and for much less the cost.

Jeans – every single pair of jeans I own I bought second hand. I am hard on jeans (on the rare occasion that I wear them), and I hate spending money on them. I pay $10-$15 per pair of jeans on eBay and when they wear out I throw them away and replace them with more second hand jeans!

One might read all of this and think, \”well yes, it is a cost savings but it isn\’t very fashionable.\” The truth is, I get compliments on my clothes all the time, especially my dresses for work and my gym clothes. My dresses are cute, well cared for and fit well – it isn\’t like finding them in a box at a yard sale, covered in dust and a few holes. Often times, people buy clothes they realize don\’t fit them or they receive clothes as a gift and it\’s not their taste so they try to sell them. Or, they buy an outfit and wear it once and no longer need it so they sell it.

In the literal hundreds of eBay transactions I have had buying clothes this way, I\’ve never received an item that was not as described. I have also never paid for an item and not received it. The one and only issue I have had with eBay was years ago regarding a text book (and eBay and PayPal protected me and refunded me).

Another thing I love about buying my clothes second hand – and perhaps it speaks to the repressed hippie in me – is reusing an item. I like taking something and using it until it is truly worn out. I like not contributing to the retail/commercialization of every need and whim we have. There is a part of me that wishes we could just barter for everything. Buying clothes second hand satisfies something in me…I am getting a deal, and I am giving an item a chance to be fully used up before it is discarded.

I think it is definitely something worth trying, maybe starting off with just one or two things. With my dresses, I always buy the same one or two brands and the sizes are true, and same with the gym clothes. It does take a minute to figure out the sizing but over the long run, the cost savings is totally worth the time investment!

I have been asked this question a lot recently in regards to my fitness goals/strength training: why do you want to be so strong?

To be honest, the first time it was asked I thought it was such a poor question that I struggled even to answer. What do you mean why? Why wouldn\’t I? Then I realized my response was as weak as the question, and didn\’t illustrate anything about my purpose or my passion. So instead I said:

I want to be as strong on the outside as I am on the inside.

That is empowering to me. I have accomplished difficult things and endured difficult things through much the same process as I have with weight lifting – perseverance, patience, consistency and discipline. From coping with grief to getting a masters degree to publishing a book, I have used these qualities to build strength to accomplish and overcome.

I know that I am someone people call on when they have a crisis or urgent need because I am capable, poised and competent. I am strong, on the inside.

I want my outside to reflect that same strength. And it takes a certain mental and emotional toughness to build physical strength. I lift when I don\’t feel like it. I have days where I can\’t get last week\’s weight off the ground because I am just not in the right place mentally or physically. I get sore, I get fatigued, and I push through – and in many cases that is more mind over matter than anything.

I want the same discipline and patience that I demonstrated in achieving some of my proudest goals to be reflected physically. You never see a person with visibly lean strength and assume they are undisciplined. You know when you see it, they persist, they persevere and they do it even when they don\’t want to.

I have long put in the effort physically – years and years of exercise in many forms – but only now is it physically starting to really show. Not only in the shape of my body but in my functional strength.

And that strength is a physical representation of who I am on the inside: passionate and perseverant.

I feel sort of vulnerable writing about this. I don\’t have a ton of insecurities, and I focus on overcoming my insecurities, especially the ones that are just inside my head. However, I have had people make comments recently and over the years on this topic.

People say, \”I am scared to go to the gym.\” Some are scared because they are overweight and afraid of being judged. Some are scared because they don\’t know how to use equipment or what to do. Some are scared people will speak to them. Some are scared people will not speak to them. The reasons are pretty diverse.

My answer is pretty much consistent: no one is going to get on your case or judge you at the gym, and if they do, they are the one with the issue. Don\’t let it stop you from doing what you want.

However, my response is somewhat rooted in my own personal current and ongoing sense of gymtimidation. Yes, I have had gym memberships for most of the last 18 years. I have been to hundreds, maybe over a thousand, group fitness classes of all types. And while I don\’t look like the fittest person on earth, I am fit, competent and strong – certainly capable in the gym.

But I absolutely feel a sense of intimidation in any gym. And truthfully, I don\’t know why exactly, but I know the reasons are mostly in my head. When I got my most recent gym membership set up last year, I initiated the communication via email – that is safe! Then, when I went in to get signed up, I went with my sister. The first few BodyPump classes I went to at this new gym, I had a buddy with me. Do I need any help? No. But for some reason I prefer it.

I frequently go by myself now. Typically, since I like to make the trip worth it, I get there early and get on cardio equipment for an hour or so before class. From the perch of my elliptical I can survey the gym. I can see all the people in the weight area, lifting together, no one being abused, attacked or judged. And yet even now, even this minute, I cannot foresee myself going over there by myself to lift. Even though I am certainly very capable.

One of my goals this year is to get a personal trainer at the gym to help me overcome this. And when I am asked what my goals are I will be transparent. One, I want to get stronger and as such I want guidance on ensuring my form is correct so I don\’t get hurt. Two, I want to overcome my fear of lifting in front of people. I lift heavy at home, with confidence. I want to extend that to the gym – not that it is often necessary, but it is important to me that I overcome the roadblock.

What is my point? I honestly don\’t know. That gymtimidation is a real thing. That it\’s not just for the out of shape or newcomers. I started lifting weights, in a gym, under guidance of a skilled lifter, when I was 18. In the years since I have hit several pretty impressive fitness milestones. I am still nervous. I still go. I am working to break down those obstacles even further.

So maybe the point is…if this is you, you\’re not alone.

No one in my gym who sees me gazing around with interest in my sassy gym shirt would ever guess I struggle with gymtimidation – so you never can tell.

Now that I am the nearing middle aged married woman of so many years (please insert a laugh in your mind at this point, because I am certain no one sees me this way), I have friends confide in me what they are looking for in a mate themselves. Men and women both, I am the safe, conversational, direct married matron who holds nothing back!

I am laughing again, by the way.

My mom, who has now been widowed several years and is available, has said the men she encounters are similar to the ones who ask me for advice.

Invariably, these men are all looking for similar things in women: fit, attractive, strong work ethic, independent, kind and driven.

And women, what do they want? Pretty much something similar. There are always variables. But no one ever says, \”I want a mediocre, somewhat lazy, unhealthy and unfit person who is desperate and has nothing interesting to say.\” Seriously.

And then I take a deep breath, try to refrain from lifting and eyebrow and I say, \”and what do you think your ideal mate is also looking for in their partner?\”

And their response tells me they have never considered this before.

Look, this may be controversial, but the fact remains – you have to make yourself attractive to the type of people you are trying to attract. You can\’t be a lay about with nothing of interest to say or do and expect to attract a fascinating mate (this goes for women also!).

Oh, another Frasier scene is coming to mind. Roz is meeting a date at the coffee shop, and in a series of funny and unrelated events, he is buying the coffee for Martin. And after literally spending a few dollars on a coffee he says to Martin, \”You can owe me on the coffee, and I flipped a quarter in the tip jar.\”

Roz rolls her eyes and says, \”I\’ll be home early.\”

Whatever had attracted her to this guy, Roz was now put off. This is the real world (I don\’t think I would have even proceeded with that date myself!).

The point of this is – yes, all people are worthy and have value. But if you are trying to attract someone fit, attractive, successful, hard working, driven, charitable, kind, generous, great sense of humor, well read, curious, interesting or insert any number of other great qualities here, you have to possess some qualities that attract people like that. You need to work on you.

And when you invest in yourself and develop attractive qualities and behaviors, you\’ll attract similar types of people.

But for the sake of my dear mother, please do not be a poorly groomed, overweight and unemployed man telling people he just can\’t settle for anything less than slim, successful and pretty. And this is no joke, she says she sees this often!