Second chances are a beautiful thing. In family or friendship or marriage, it’s wonderful when a rift or a detachment can be mended by a second chance.
But sometimes it is very hard. Especially in long relationships, it can be hard to adjust perspective about someone who’s been one way for a long time.
A funny example I recall was a story my sister told me about her ex-husband. They started dating when she was 19. And when she was 30 she said she liked something and her then husband said, “you don’t like that! You never did before.” And she had to explain that while she didn’t like it at 19, she enjoyed it now.
Sometimes it’s hard to let people grow.
I met my ex-husband when I was 16. We married at 23, and we’d already felt like we knew each forever. But by 30, I was no longer who I was at 16. And more importantly, in the years between mistakes had been made, and sometimes it’s hard to let those things go.
It’s important that people grow together, or often one leaves the other behind. That’s not their fault for growing. You can’t stunt your own growth to stay back with someone else. That’s why it’s important to choose your friends and spouse well, to choose someone who will grow with you and accept you as you do.
Sometimes it cannot be done. It takes a huge amount of courage and humility to truly offer someone the room to grow or the chance to try again.
It’s the beauty I find in my second marriage. To start fresh. To be loved for who I am, not who I was 20 years ago or who I was supposed to grow to be but never became. It’s finding someone in step with me in the middle of life, someone with a similar vision, which I could never have guessed at twenty years ago.
It’s an amazing thing to see a couple stay married their whole life, grow together and make room for each other’s growth. To find themselves at the end still enchanted with one another despite no longer being who they were at the start.
But I’m so glad for all my second chances. My mended friendships. My wonderful new marriage. A chance to be my best self and make my best impact in life. And thank God for His grace and forgiveness.
Anna Farley 